Why is it that the yummiest things to eat inevitably require an oral cleansing of Silkwoodian proportions?  Is that the punishment for self-indulgence and gluttony?  Just wondering.

One time my best friend and I helped another friend of ours cook dinner for her boyfriend.  We were helping her make garlic bread with a fresh garlic spread.  The recipe called for two cloves of garlic.  We used two clovers.  I’m not exactly sure how that was not so completely obviously too much.  After we finished helping her prep, we went off to a church dance.  Obviously, we were not the most popular partners that evening.  One guy was even so bold as to ask, “What’s that smell?  Have you been eating garlic or something?”  Duh.  He was forever after known to us and all who would here his tale as “Garlic Man”.  Although, that wasn’t really fair since we were really the offending parties and he was merely an innocent bystander.  I’m having twinges of guilt for slandering his good name like that.  OK, I’m over it now.

My offenders of choice:  onion anything (I love, love, love onion rings–I prefer good onion rings, but when it comes down to it my standards are not particularly high), garlic anything, flavored Doritos (I’m partial to Salsa Verde and old school Cool Ranch), Cheetos (classic Cheetos curls not puffs *shudder*), peanut butter anything (while usually I’m a chunky kind of gal, it’s been creamy peanut butter spread over oreos as of late).

Since I can’t seem to stay away from these kinds of things, I always carry tic tacs.  And I mean always.  (My mom always had tic tacs, too.  She used to use them to bribe her 4 year-old Sunday school class.  We’ve been making fun of Little Wheazing Dougie from that class for years–”Can *wheeze* I *wheeze* have *wheeze* a *wheeze* tic tac *wheeze* Sistuh *wheeze* Wee?”  As far as I know, he didn’t have an actual medical condition–he just talked funny in a cute 4-year-old kind of way.)  I prefer the white fresh mints for the strongest freshness per one and a half calorie ratio.  It used to be I liked the light green wintergreen.  I’m not exactly sure when I made the switch, but it was years ago.  My kids like the orange ones–they’re OK, but the lack of burn in my mouth leaves me less than confident in their effectiveness.  A while back they came out with lime ones, which I thought sounded good in theory–I enjoy a good lime.  They. were. nasty.  I also can’t do the dark green spearmint.  Spearmint–blech!  *all over body shudder*  I suppose the red cinnamon ones would do in a pinch, but I’ve never actually purchased them–not that I can remember anyway.

What are your dragon-breath inducing faves?  And your remedy of choice for neutralizing the aftermath?