Last night was Mr. T’s honor roll awards recognition night at his middle school.  He is just finishing up his sixth grade year.  He doesn’t usually care about stuff like this, but it was his first one so I thought it would be nice to check it out.  Originally we were going to take the whole family, but with BigHugs not feeling well and passed out on the couch we decided I would just take Mr. T and Chuck would stay home with the girls.

We live about 2 minutes away from the school by car, so with the event starting at 7 pm I thought leaving at 6:50 pm would be plenty of time.  Plus I figured how many people would be at this thing anyway?  When we arrived at the school, the parking lot was practically full.  We wondered if there was something else going on at the school on the same night—surely all these people weren’t here for the honor roll thing.  Oh, but they were!

The gym was packed and when I looked at the program we were handed at the door, I understood why.  There were 6 pages full of students to get awards!  They were giving out awards for the students who had made honor roll first semester and the students who made honor roll in the third quarter.  The program was divided by grade and further divided by grade point average and then by semester/quarter.   They had three grade point average categories:  4.0, 3.5-3.99, and 3.0-3.49.  So everyone with a 3.0 average or above made honor roll and they were all getting certificates that night.

The program opened with the pledge of allegiance and the school choir singing the national anthem and then a few words from the principal and then a “stirring” rendition of Wind Beneath My Wings by a sweet girl who forced me to channel my inner-Simon and think “I don’t think you’re nearly as good as you think you are”.  Then the vice principal got up to thank all those who had helped in planning and preparing for the evening because it had been quite an undertaking as there were some six hundred certificates to pass out that night.  Six freaking hundred?!  There are only 1000 students in the whole school!  Six hundred of them made the honor roll?!

And here’s where I’ll surely offend someone—since when does a 3.0 land you on an honor roll?  No offense to those B average students.  A 3.0 is a very respectable grade point average—good for you!  You should be proud of yourselves.  I’m sure many of those students worked very hard for those grades.  And not to take away from their accomplishment, but I’m also pretty sure just as many got there with very little effort.  I mean, it’s middle school.

So what exactly is the purpose of these recognition nights?  How meaningful can this honor really be when you’re more likely to be recognized than not?  And what was with the cheesy certificates?  They also recognized the top 6 students from a “how many pages can you read in a three month period of time” contest.  They received certificates with a gold seal in a gold-embossed black cover.  The honor roll certificates were printed out on plain old cardstock from one of the school’s computers and were bordered with paw prints (the school’s mascot is a timberwolf).  Although, obviously if you’re giving out 600 certificates, you can’t do anything special.

Twenty minutes into the program they began handing out the certificates.  They started with the 4.0’s.  There were 13 eighth graders, two seventh graders and 11 sixth graders who had 4.0’s, and only five of these had 4.0’s for the entire year, including Mr. T.  (Yes, I am bragging just a bit, but hey, being one of five students out of a school of 1000 to get perfect grades for the year is a noteworthy accomplishment, right?)  Then they moved onto the 3.5-3.99 category.  It was 7:30 pm and they were just finishing up with the 7th graders for this category from 1st semester.  Next they would do the sixth graders and then they would go back to the 8th graders for this category for 3rd quarter and then to the 7th graders again and so on.  Mind you, they still had all those to do plus all three grades from first semester and third quarter who had a 3.0-3.49!

I could feel the life draining out of me (and my butt—Holy cow those bleachers are uncomfortable!).  I turned to Mr. T and said, “We’ve got to make a run for it.”  We looked around—the bleachers were packed and we were sitting at the opposite end of the gym from the exit.

Mr. T:  But what about all these people we’d have to climb over?  We’ll never make it.

Me:  We’ve got to try.  We can’t stay here.  As soon as this group goes to sit down, make a run for it.  You go first.  I’ll be right behind you.

Mr. T:  But what if you can’t get through?  What if you get stuck?

Me:  Don’t worry about me.  I’ll be OK.  Whatever you do, don’t look back.  Just keep going.  If we get separated, I’ll meet you at the car, OK?  Just stick to the plan.

All of the 7th graders with a 3.5-3.99 first semester started to sit down.

Me:  Go, go, go!

Mr. T and Me:  Pardon me.   Excuse me.  Sorry.

We almost took out a kid’s head on the way down and nearly sent a lady’s purse flying, but we made it to the gym floor.

Me:  Walk.  Just keep walking.

The exit was blocked by all the people who had arrived late and didn’t have a place to sit.  I caught one lady’s eye and she looked at me knowingly and opened the door.  “Thank you,” I mouthed.  “You’re welcome,” she said quietly with a mixture of compassion and bitter envy.  I wanted to ask her to come with us, but when I noticed her kid didn’t have a certificate yet, I just couldn’t ask her to make that choice.

We pulled out of the parking lot at 7:35 pm, and all I could think of as we drove off was, “See ya, suckahs!”

Six. hundred. certificates.  Ridiculous, right?