Wacky Search Term Wednesday

18 Jun

Well, it’s been a whole whoppin’ two weeks since I last resorted to using this “series”, and what with trying to spend some “quality” time with the children now that they’re out of school and all, and… Wait, what am I trying to make excuses for?  This is my blog, darnit!  And I’ll post whatever the heck crap I want!

So here are a few of my latest and greatest hits:

1.  sock monkey convention—I knew it!  There’s like this whole underground sock monkey world that most of us don’t even know about.  Except I’m starting to know about it because they’re all coming here.  So where’s the party?  I wanna come!

2.  monkey hitler—Are you trying to defile the innocence and purity of our beloved sock monkey?  Don’t go there, googler.  Don’t even go there.

3.  Cheryl spanked bad grades—Um, Cheryl, do you have something you’d like to share with the rest of the class?

4.  accomplishments quotes for teachers—How about this?  “Do a slightly better than average job and I’ll stick you on the honor roll.”

5.  what are the styles of unrequited love—I suppose there could be different “styles”.  Let’s see, how about 1) the clueless—the object of your affection is completely oblivious to your feelings, 2) the snub—the object of your affection just ignores your feelings, 3) the apathetic—the object of your affection couldn’t care less about your feelings or 4) the Corinne—the object of your affection stomps on your heart and crushes it.  I’m sure there are more.  A little help here?

6.  Jim gives Dwight a tic tac—How could I have missed and/or forgotten this episode?!  You’d think the combination of two of my favorite things, The Office and 1 1/2 calorie breath fresheners, would be forever enblazed in my memory!  But alas, it wasn’t tic tacs, it was altoids.  Altoids, googler, altoids.  Jim trains Dwight to crave an altoid every time he hears a computer reboot a la Pavlov.  Ah, that Jim.

7.  bacon are they a type of food?—Um, I’m a little confused by the “they”.  If you mean “they” as in Sir Francis Bacon or perhaps even Sir Kevin Bacon, then I would have to say no (although there was a time when I might have described Sir Kevin as yummy).  If you mean “they” as in Wilbur or Babe, then yeah.  Totally.

8.  villl;.—I find this one most disturbing.  What could possibly have possessed a person to search in such cryptic terms?  One can only imagine.  I imagine that there is some poor soul out there being held captive by some nefarious criminal.  He is most likely bound and gagged, but he manages to shimmy himself over to the ne’er-do-well’s laptop (perhaps while the kidnapper was taking care of some other business, if you know what I’m saying) in an attempt to contact someone in the outside world for help.  But having only his nose free to peck out his message he just gets halfway through “villain” before the scoundrel returns, and upon realizing he’s been discovered our helpless victim sets his head down on the keyboard in hopeless resignation, hitting the l;. and enter keys in the process.  If only I had a better math background, I’m sure I could design an algorithm to trace this search hit back to its place of origin and rescue that poor guy in the nick of time.  If only.

9.  bythelbs perv—OK, who did this?  No one is leaving until the responsible party identifies herself.

What kind of freaks have been stopping by your place lately?

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13 Responses to “Wacky Search Term Wednesday”

  1. cheryl June 18, 2008 at 8:51 am #

    I spanked those grades. I spanked ’em, good, too.

    Of course, only if you are referring to my hard and studious work as a student. That is all.

    I did not do the bythelbs perv thing, but my bets are on madhousewife or Julie!

  2. Jamie J June 18, 2008 at 1:18 pm #

    I love your search terms! I didn’t do the perv thing either…but I almost wish I did. That’s a good one! haha

  3. qsysue June 18, 2008 at 1:26 pm #

    You are so creative and funny.

    I haven’t had many wacky searches hitting my blog. Best ones lately:

    no bikini
    britney spears outfit
    college bikini
    destroy all humans!
    bono talking about soundgarden
    grass roof buildings

    And probably the apex:

    falling asleep

  4. bythelbs June 18, 2008 at 2:05 pm #

    So nobody’s claiming the perv thing, huh? I’ve got all day, people. All day.

    Oh, and Susan, that algorithm thing was especially for you. 🙂 “falling asleep”—it just doesn’t get any more exciting than that.

  5. madhousewife June 18, 2008 at 4:47 pm #

    “elvis cat suit”

    “discreet commode”

    “list of house wives in kolkata interested” – I don’t know what this means, but I’m interested

    “boys wearing sister’s bathing suit”

    “gaahh i can believe gay marriage is real”

    “kid have to walk through the poop”

    “gummi toilet mistress” – I’m really hoping this is the same guy over and over again, and not, like, a movement

    “my hot body !!!! woooow!!! booty shake !”

    “my son likes sheer energy pantyhose”

    And the piece de resistance:

    “swastika underpants”

  6. madhousewife June 18, 2008 at 4:48 pm #

    I don’t think I did the “bythelbs perv” thing, but the last few days are kind of a blur for me.

  7. bythelbs June 18, 2008 at 4:52 pm #

    Ah, mad, you always show me up. You have the bestest freaks ever.

    And I’m sorry, but using the words “movement” and “toilet” in the same thought totally made me laugh.

  8. Summer June 18, 2008 at 8:30 pm #

    I love the office too and I don’t remember that moment either.

    Thanks for stopping by!

  9. Julie June 18, 2008 at 10:11 pm #

    Oh Goodness — I find myself laughing out loud again. What is it with you? And yes, I do so wish I had played that very funny joke on you, but alas, I am no Jim. Even though I claim to be. I may have to try something like that in the future, though — ON CHERYL!!!!!!

    (you know I love you, right Cheryl????? I DO I DO!!!!) I think I just used far too many caps and exclamation points. I am sorry. Dang sorry.

    How do you guys do this? I just can’t seem to get any freaks over at my place. Which is probably good since I’m not anonymous yet. Yet. And then I’ll totally invite the freaks.

  10. Julie June 18, 2008 at 10:14 pm #

    “my son likes sheer energy pantyhose”

    I really can’t stop giggling about that. What are they trying to find out here? Is he gay? Will he be a fashion designer? Are they going to change the packaging from a L’egg to a rooster? What? I really want to know.

  11. patience June 19, 2008 at 8:48 am #

    Perv? LOL, not me.

  12. bythelbs June 19, 2008 at 4:23 pm #

    Julie—I just had to say that rooster line made me laugh.

  13. Boquinha June 23, 2008 at 4:22 pm #

    The bacon description has me laughing out loud here. Totally. Like I-have-to-go-to-the-bathroom kind of laughing.

    Maybe that’s too much information.

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