I left my heart in Freddy’s

15 Jul

So the other day I was out at the Fred Meyer picking up a few things.  Well, it turned out to be more than a few things, as it does.  Always.  But anywho, I found myself in a particular checker’s line.  I seem to be gravitating to this checker as of late.  I generally don’t play favorites.  Truth be told, I say checker loyalty be darned when it comes to check out lines—I just go for the shortest.  Or try to.  The shortest never turns out to actually be the shortest.  Inevitably there are a googillion price checks or coupon complications.  (Why can’t people read their coupons and grab the proper size/brand/flavor/quantity the first time around?  Hel-lo, it’s not rocket science, people.  All the information you need is right there on your little coupon.  Read it!  Or quit trying to pull a fast one on the cashier and then act all innocent and confused while the rest of us are waiting for you and the checker and the manager to sort out your 25 cent savings!)

Anyways, I’m in this checker’s line again and I casually mention how I seem to always end up at her register.  (You should know, BTW, that this is totally out of character for me.  I’m really not one to drum up small talk, especially in a check out line.  I respect the unspoken law of all considerate, well-mannered grocery patrons—get in, get your business done and get out.  I believe this rule applies to public restrooms as well, although I would add “with minimal fallout” to the “get your business done” part.)  The checker, who reminds me of a cross between Janeane Garofalo and Anne Hathaway in the way she looks and talks (come on, you can’t picture it?), said wryly (you know, like Garofalo would), “Well, I guess I must be doing something right then if you’re not trying to avoid me.”

Then she said a couple other funny things here and there that I found amusing enough to chuckle out loud about, and not just out of politeness or awkward momentness.  I was beginning to think to myself that I might actually become a person who has a specific preference for grocery checkers.  She was drawing me in with her wit and charm.  I was mesmerized by her ability to not only not annoy, but amuse and calculate coupons correctly at the same time!

Now, I know we’ve already discussed my particular preferences and procedures when it comes to unloading my grocery cart.  The system works—trust me.  If executed correctly by a better than average checker, that is.  Well, while unloading my grocery bags into my trunk I basked in the afterglow of my near perfect grocery shopping experience until I saw it.  This woman, someone I had come to trust and admire and who nearly altered the course of my future checkout line selection processes, had put my yogurt in with the canned goods.  I knew it was too good to be true.

I don’t know.  Maybe I’m being too harsh.  Maybe I should give Jananne a second chance.  But what if it happens again?  I’m just not sure I’m ready for that kind of emotional risk.


Anne + Janeane =






I think that’s a fair likeness—it might be a little too toothy.


17 Responses to “I left my heart in Freddy’s”

  1. Lisa July 15, 2008 at 10:08 am #

    Well first of all that Jananne is quite a looker. I’d say give her another chance, at the post office I have the opposite sort of situation going on. I always get stuck with the same guy and I just have this feeling that he can’t stand me. What have I done sir? How can I make it up to you? Can’t we all just get along? So if you’re lucky enough to have found a checker who can make you smile, don’t throw it away.

  2. cheryl July 15, 2008 at 11:19 am #

    Yogurt and canned goods together!?!?


    I don’t know. That’s pretty unforgiveable. But, she did make you chuckle a sincere chuckle, so I don’t know…

    I wished I looked like Anne Hathaway. Sigh…

  3. madhousewife July 15, 2008 at 11:21 am #

    Lisa, that guy at the post office probably can’t stand anybody.

    I say you should give Janeanne a second chance, too. Yeah, yogurt in with the canned goods is not, well, good–but it could have been worse. She could have put the bread in with the canned goods. She could have put the yogurt with the…no, there’s not a worse place to put yogurt. You’re right. It’s time for you to move on.

  4. Susan M July 15, 2008 at 11:50 am #

    I’d forgotten about Freddy’s. They don’t have those down here.

    There’s one checker I like and one that drives me crazy at my grocery store. The one I like is an almost-butch looking woman who is very no-nonsense and I always find myself wondering what she’s doing working in a place like that. She’s rad. The other is this crazy guy who mutters the whole time he’s checking your groceries, saying stuff like “Fourth of July yep the Fourth America the Great and all that any coupons today yep it’s a great day any coupons today no well here you go you saved $23.55 have a good Fourth.”

  5. bythelbs July 15, 2008 at 11:53 am #

    I’m with mad, Lisa, he probably doesn’t like anyone. Have you noticed how he treats the other customers? This might require a little investigative work. Are you prepared to know the truth? How crushed would you be if indeed he was pleasant to everyone but you?

    Sincere chuckles are rare indeed, Cheryl. On a side note, I was surprised by how many scantily clad AH pictures there are out there. I innocently googled AH images and holy cow! I saw more of her than anyone would ever need to.

    There is indeed (sorry, I had an “indeed” streak going with my replies and felt compelled to keep it going) no worse place for the yogurt. Forget about the lack of coldness from other refrigerated goods I had purchased that could have aided in keeping my yogurt sufficiently insulated and fresh on my journey home, there’s the whole crushing factor. Yoplait yogurt cups are delicate creatures. They don’t even have a real lid, for crying out loud! Just a small circle of foil between my coconut cream and the take no prisoners metal edge of my taco bell brand fat free refried beans!

  6. bythelbs July 15, 2008 at 11:54 am #

    Susan—I think I’d like the muttering dude. So long has he could correctly calculate my coupons had I any.

  7. Mother of the Wild Boys July 15, 2008 at 12:53 pm #

    While in line today at the wonderful WallyMart, I was thinking about how cool it would be if they had a “Did your cashier go on forever with too much small talk?” button next to the “Was your cashier friendly today?” button. 😉

  8. Jumbo Shrimp July 15, 2008 at 2:23 pm #

    I’m sorry I so can’t relate. I still haven’t implemented an unloading procedure but I’ve realized why. My baggers–sorry I think they are called Courtesy Clerks–at Vons are highly adept at putting the related items together. I have to give props to them. We have one of those muttering Courtesy Clerks and he’s just great. I love it when he bags my groceries cuz he keeps Boogers occupied by singing her no nonsense songs. Sorry about the yogurt in the cans though…that stinks.

  9. bythelbs July 15, 2008 at 2:36 pm #

    Jumbo—What’s a “no nonsense” song? A song about getting straight to the point? Being serious and dignified? Wearing panty hose? I must know!

    mother—Yes! Although it’s way more irritating when you’re waiting in line and the cahier’s going on forever with too much small talk with everyone and their dog in front of you.

  10. Alison Wonderland July 15, 2008 at 8:52 pm #

    It’s too bad I don’t work at Freddy’s anymore. I did but then I quit and now it’s not Fred’s anymore. Anyway, my point is I was really fast and the best bagger ever. I mean it. EVER!
    What’s with these kids today mixing yogurt and cans. In my day we’d never do such a thing.

  11. chronicler July 18, 2008 at 8:13 am #

    hehehe. What happened was that you had Jeanine thinking you cared. Then she tested you. Cause you know, that how Jeanine plays it. Gets you thinking you can trust her and then wham! out of the blue she puts your yogurt where no real checker knows it doesn’t belong. Just testing your loyalty and all.

  12. bythelbs July 18, 2008 at 9:59 am #

    Alison—I totally believe you were the best bagger ever because you’re just awesome like that.

    chronicler—Maybe you’re right. I’m just not sure I’m prepared to pass this test.

  13. flip flop mama July 18, 2008 at 1:33 pm #

    Ooops, I meant “nonsense” song! Although a song about panty hose would be kind of entertaining…

  14. Jumbo Shrimp July 18, 2008 at 1:33 pm #

    Ahh, who changed my moniker? Sorry to switch back and forth on ya…

  15. bythelbs July 18, 2008 at 2:33 pm #

    Maybe you should just stick to flip flop mama for ease and clarity. I can still call you Jumbo in my mind. 🙂

  16. Julie July 19, 2008 at 9:41 pm #

    I’m with bythelbs. I like flip flop mama.

    And I have to admit something, bythelbs. I have been watching myself lately and I have NO grocery system whatsoever. Really. None. I could care less where stuff goes — as long as my bread and eggs don’t get smooshed. I’m in and out as fast as possible and just don’t care where stuff ends up. Sometimes when the bagger is putting two related things in each bag I just say, “Aw, just throw it all together.” I think I prefer fewer bags to perfectly organized ones.

    And I lost one of Brig’s shoes the other day and instead of scouring the world for them, I went and bought another pair. Yikes. You are really going to have to find your happy place now.


  1. I’m grateful, but I still don’t like you « By the lbs - September 4, 2008

    […] because it’s conveniently close, and there’s always the possibility I might run into Jananne (I did give her another chance and she has not let me down—yet).  I searched high and low in […]

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