They’ve all got Daddy’s nose

25 Nov

Last night I made a startling discovery.  The family was gathered together for a rousing game of spoons when I just casually happened to mention that I never was able to do that whole hang a spoon from your nose trick. Mr. T picked up a spoon, placed it on his nose and said, “You mean this?”—like it was nothing!  Then DynaGirl said, “I wanna try”, picked up a spoon and placed it on her nose.  Not to be outdone, Goose picked up another spoon and followed suit.  And then so did Chuck!

I was surrounded.  As I looked around at these people I hold most dear, all with spoons hanging from their noses as if it was the most natural thing in the world, I felt like a freak in my own family.  Kind of like the Twilight Zone episode where the woman is in the dimly lit hospital with her face all bandaged up and the nurses and doctors are all talking about how they hope the surgery worked this time and then they take off the bandages to reveal the woman’s face and there are audible gasps and screams and they show you the face of the extremely attractive woman and then pull back to reveal the distorted faces with the pig-like snouts of the medical personnel.  And yes, in this story I am the extremely attractive woman, but also the freak.

I attempted to master this skill for several minutes, even trying different spoons of varying sizes, shapes and weights.  I could not do it.  My children were baffled.  They kept trying to give me tips: breathe on it first, don’t breathe on it first, place it at the top of your nose near the bridge and let it drop, just stick it on and let go.  Nothing worked.  And then Mr. T started hopping up and down, whilst keeping the spoon affixed to his nose, and DynaGirl moved her spoon to the side of her nose without touching it, and Goose start swinging her spoon back and forth like a pendulum.  I expressed my astonishment and wonder at how such a thing was possible.  Goose said, “It’s just a talent, Mom.”  Salt in my wound.

dscn05180001BigHugs was not successful either, but she’s still young.  Maybe this is some kind of genetic ability passed down to my children through their father’s superior DNA.  Perhaps we need only wait for BigHugs’ power to manifest itself.  But what if it doesn’t?  Will BigHugs resent me for my average genes and curse the non-specialness of her nose?  Will she feel like a freak in her own family—an ordinary in a family of extraordinaries?

My only consolation is that all of my children can roll their tongues, and they get that from me.  Chuck’s tongue is completely unrollable.  I suppose it’s comforting to know that our children are getting the best of what we both have to offer.

Remember, I’m the freakishly attractive one.

Do you have any special abilities?

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13 Responses to “They’ve all got Daddy’s nose”

  1. Julie November 25, 2008 at 12:31 pm #

    My kids ALL have their daddy’s nose. Thank goodness. If he ever had any reason to believe I was steppin’ out, he’d just need to look at our children and know he was safe. Not that he’s wondering. Or that he should be. Geesh, why’d you have to make me all embarrassed like that, self?
    Oh, that’s right, it was bythe’s fault…suffice it to say, they’ve got Daddy’s nose around our house.

  2. cheryl November 25, 2008 at 12:42 pm #

    Brandon can’t roll his tougue either; I am the Master at tongue rolling.

    But there is something that is bothering me, and at first I just thought it was other people, but now I’m wondering if it’s me (which totally goes long with your post!):
    Why do people interchange the words “Breath” to mean “Breathe?” Isn’t there a difference? I mean, one would Breathe on something, or they would hold their breath. You know? I’m only asking because either you did this accidentally, or I’m just not literarily correct. (And yes, I know literarily is not a word). Help me find the truth, here!

  3. Susan M November 25, 2008 at 12:58 pm #

    No you’re right Cheryl. Which means bythelbs is wrong, wrong, WRONG!

    I can roll my tongue, but I can’t roll my Rs.

  4. bythelbs November 25, 2008 at 1:41 pm #

    Julie—There are no milkman kids at our house either.

    cheryl and Susan—I actually know the difference between “breath” and “breathe”. It was a typo! I fixed it! Geezzzzzzzzz!

    And cheryl, I can’t roll my “tougue” either. I’m pretty sure I don’t even have one. So there!

    And Susan, I can’t roll my Rs either, which was especially frustrating in HS Spanish and any time I need to say “burrito”, “arriba” or “churro”.

    P.S. Thanks for having my grammatical back.

  5. cheryl November 25, 2008 at 2:02 pm #

    Ha! Oh, the irony! Oh, the irony…

  6. flip flop mama November 25, 2008 at 10:03 pm #

    I can’t do the spoon thing either. I always thought there was some magical trick to it. I can however roll my tongue AND my R’s.

  7. flip flop mama November 25, 2008 at 10:18 pm #

    On another note, why did they dub “You are so beautiful” on that video. That totally ruined it! LOL

  8. Alison Wonderland November 25, 2008 at 10:58 pm #

    See and I would say that your non spoon holding nose would be the superior genetic make up but then I guess you will have trouble in some of those nose spoon holding life saving types of emergencies.

    I can roll my tongue but I can’t roll my Rs. Oh and I got a nose on me, I think I could hang a ladle on there.

  9. madhousewife November 25, 2008 at 11:20 pm #

    This post cracks me up, but I can’t talk about it anymore because I have to pack for my trip to see you all in your spoon-hanging glory! (Well, except for you, whom I’ll merely be seeing in her tongue-rolling glory.)

  10. bythelbs November 25, 2008 at 11:29 pm #

    flip—You can roll your Rs? Lucky! When I did the youtube search for this Twilight Zone episode, this was the first video to pop up. I actually couldn’t resist Joe Cocker wailing in the background.

    Alison—See, I don’t think size matters. In this particular instance, at least. All of my kids have smaller shnozes than me.

    mad—Yay! See you tomorrow!

  11. Julie November 26, 2008 at 12:00 am #

    Wait, you guys can’t roll your Rs? Crazy.

  12. thewoobdog November 26, 2008 at 7:56 am #

    Well… um… BigHugs DID say she likes pigs the best… And I bet pigs can’t dangle spoons from their noses (well, unless you stick them up their nostrils, which would just be gross).

    Yeah. I know. It’s a stretch.

  13. Amanda D December 2, 2008 at 8:14 am #

    I can’t hang a spoon off my nose but it was years ago since I tried. I can touch my tongue to my nose though. Pretty awesome, aren’t I?

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