Wacky Search Term Wednesday it is. Such as it is.

3 Dec

I’ve been sitting here trying to decide if I’m up for a Wacky Search Terms Wednesday.  For some reason I am excessively tired this morning despite having had an extra two hours of sleep last night, and I’m concerned that might affect the quality of my WSTW product.  If I can’t do it right, it shouldn’t be done at all.

Yaaaaaawwwwwnnnn.

Smack.

Smack.

Smack.

Rubbing eyes.

Streeeeeeeeeetch.

Yaawn.

OK.  I can’t think of anything else to talk about, so I’m going to give it a shot.  Against my better judgment.

living in the 80’s heading for the 90’s—Dude, it’s practically 2009. You’re about two decades behind. Just let it go. You can’t live in the past. Come join us in the present. Oh, and you might want to do something about that mullet, too.

pronounce bythelbs—Biiii-thuh-puh-ow-nnn-dzuh.

footloose quotes-how can they become tr—Tragic? True? Tradition? Trapped in your mind? They are all these things for me. I don’t know how it happened. It just did. Don’t question it. Just go with it. And remember, you can fly if you’d only cut loose, footloose.

pull forward drop off lane at fault—Yes, it usually is. But do you live by the code? Because if you’re not living by the code, you have no right to use this as an excuse. No right!

port-o-potty seats disease—My greatest fears confirmed! I knew it! What are the symptoms?! Is there a treatment? A cure? How long do I have?!

monkey sock monkey—For some reason, I’m picturing a room full of prep school students standing atop their desks paying tribute to the sock monkey who changed their lives forever with his kind heart and wild, unorthodox ways.

ripping cinderella’s dress—Take your sicko fantasies somewhere else, perv!

how do I delete facebook friends without them knowi—ng? Sorry, man, I’m pretty sure they’ll figure it out eventually. Better you had just ignored them in the first place.

if i am growing my eyebrows out is it OK—To eat cheese? Yes. To pluck? No. To go out in public? That would have to be your call. But just know, in general, that it’s OK. Everything will be O-K. You’ll get through this. I promise.

tic tacs love you—I’m trying to figure out if this was a message meant for me or the tic tacs. If for me, ditto. If for them, well, ditto.

dunder mifflin discounts—Um, buddy, I hate to break it to you, but Dunder Mifflin isn’t a real company. It’s made up. Fiction. There’s no Michael Scott. There’s no Dwight Schrute. There’s no adorable Jim or hilarious Darryl. They’re all actors. It’s just a TV show. And sorry, but you’ll have to look for your paper discounts elsewhere.

half trunk burning sensation—The top half or the bottom half? Left half or right half? Are you an elephant? You’re really going to need to be more specific for an accurate diagnosis. Help me help you.

burning sensation when eating—Is this the trunk guy? Sorry, still not specific enough. Where exactly is the burning? What are you eating? My advice, stay away from the ginger snaps.

sensation-normal—Dude, ignoring the problem isn’t going to make it go away.

in the mood, drumn solo, sandy duncan—Who isn’t?

chuck norris mr. t book recall—When did this happen? Will I be eligible for a refund or be provided with a new and improved safer copy? What was wrong with the book? More awesome than the human heart can possibly withstand?

what randolph mantooth drinks—A tall, hot glass of sexy. Obviously.

cowbell politics—Don’t go there. Don’t corrupt the cowbell. I know, what if the cowbell is just the thing to completely reform our system? What if it could end the financial crisis, world hunger, the war on terror? I don’t doubt the power of the cowbell, but it’s just not worth the risk. We must preserve the purity of the cowbell!

need a snack—Dude, this isn’t the Starship Enterprise. You can’t just say, “Computer. Need a snack.” and have a bag of Cheetos materialize right before your eyes. Maybe in like a couple hundred years.

do you need some help—Have you read this post? Yes, yes I do. Admitting it is the first step to recovery, right?

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13 Responses to “Wacky Search Term Wednesday it is. Such as it is.”

  1. Mother of the Wild Boys December 3, 2008 at 1:41 pm #

    Thanks for making the effort to satiate my hunger for WSTW. When I type in ‘need a snack’ and get linked to your blog, it’s exactly what I’m craving. 😉

    And my traditional wacky search term contribution:
    North Pole Location, Santa’s Address?

  2. cheryl December 3, 2008 at 2:19 pm #

    Here are some of mine:

    Best 5K in Canada
    (I don’t live in Canada, but my parents did. I visit often. I guess that makes sense now that I think about it. Nevermind! Moving on!)

    devotional he who laughs
    (okay. Yeah.)

    did it rain may 27, 2008
    (I don’t know)

    how to make hiking in the rain fun
    (don’t go)

    Yeah, mine are boring. Yours rock. I am still in awe at your ability to elicit such random weirdos. Of course, we can always blame Julie, what with her “whiff of butt” and the like. 🙂

  3. madhousewife December 3, 2008 at 2:59 pm #

    Best WSTW ever!

    And I bet it’s “footloose quotes–how can they become true?” Because that is everyone’s fantasy, isn’t it? For Footloose to be true?

    “Dude, this isn’t the Starship Enterprise.”

    Still laughing. Out loud.

  4. madhousewife December 3, 2008 at 3:04 pm #

    Also, “monkey sock monkey” – I smell youtube video. Some talented filmmaker needs to bring this to life–sock it to life, if you will. Make it become true, just like Footloose.

  5. bythelbs December 3, 2008 at 3:21 pm #

    Mother—Aw, thanks. And as if they’re going to give away Santa’s secret location on the internet!

    cheryl—Thanks for keeping the “whiff of butt” alive!

    mad—I’m feeling like I may have passed up a good Bond joke with that “monkey sock monkey”, but at least you got my reference.

  6. madhousewife December 3, 2008 at 4:23 pm #

    James Bond sock monkey could be a whole other series. I see a youtube film career in Sir Giles’ future.

  7. madhousewife December 3, 2008 at 4:34 pm #

    My own search terms are weak this week. The best I’ve got is “marijuana childbirth oregon” (!) and “are moonies cloth diapers made by moonies. (Now I want to know!) Oh, and “gay pregnant giraffe.” Seriously, people are just messing with me now.

  8. bythelbs December 3, 2008 at 4:43 pm #

    Is “moonies” another name for “moon pads”?

  9. Susan M December 3, 2008 at 5:52 pm #

    I haven’t looked at my own search terms in a long time. I’m not even sure if my blog records them now.

    Keep the politics away from the cowbell, people!

  10. Alison Wonderland December 3, 2008 at 9:29 pm #

    I just have a million hits for my boyfriend. Really people (I’m talking to you, kate Hudson) Jason statham is MINE!

  11. patience December 4, 2008 at 5:40 am #

    I love “Dunder-Mifflin Discounts.” I suppose fictional paper from a fictional company would be free.
    I think I’ve complained about this before, but people use the most boring search terms to find my site: “Find old GRE scores” “Alice Waters Roast Chicken.” I did get “Middle school impressions of lettuce” and “agog with excitement.”

  12. flip flop mama December 4, 2008 at 8:21 am #

    Isn’t that first one a line from “Wild, Wild, West”? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8W9uvhdFZY

    I’ve gotten “t-bone’s wife adopts wild horses”, and “J**** J*******’s feet”. That’s kind of creepy when you realize they used my whole name. Then I remembered there’s this teeny bopper boy that shares my name. That’s still creepy that they are looking for his feet, though…And lastly “stories cry happy tears”

  13. shazbraz December 4, 2008 at 3:04 pm #

    Oh, yeah! I thought that first one sounded familiar. totally from that song.

    Oh, and the sock monkey thing? Thanks a lot. Spewed my Perfect Peach Jamba all over my computer screen.

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