Archive | January, 2009

Friday this and that

30 Jan

Saw this wordle thing over at Susan’s and on Julie’s sidebar:



I love the word combos.  Very fun. 

I looked high and low for a Friday funny, but alas, I’ve got nothing.

So here’s the latest gem from my silly Goose instead:

On the way to gymnastics.

Goose:  My tongue has grown.

Me:  How do you know?

Goose:  Because it’s longer.

Me:  How do you know?

Goose:  Because I used to not be able to touch my tongue to my nose.

Me:  And you can now?

Goose:  No, but I get closer than when I was six.  Trying to touch her tongue to her nose.  Hee?  I bet when I’m 8 I could.

It’s important to have goals.

Have a great weekend, everyone!  And don’t forget to write your Wacky Search Term Story.  I’m counting on you!

Dude, has it been a year already?

29 Jan

It’s my blog’s birthday today.  Or blogaversary or whatever you call it.  I decided to celebrate by getting my hair done and not posting. Actually, I kind of forgot all about it and didn’t plan anything special, but it seems an event worth noting so I’m kind of noting it right here, right now with a blah-biddy blah blah kind of post.  This feels kind of like a wasted opportunity, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this past year of blogging it’s that 1) the world continues to exist when I don’t post and b) it’s my blog and I can do whatever the H-E-double L-shaped thing I want.  I guess that’s two things.  (And exactly how many times can a person say “kind of” in a single paragraph?  Exactly a lot of times, apparently.)

Shazbraz over at Amalgam had her blog birthday a couple of weeks ago, and she’s running a contest of sorts right now to celebrate.  If you’re musically inclined in the “I know that band!” or “I know that song!” kind of way (MadSusan?), then you should check it out.  Maybe I should have a contest.  Hmmm…Let me ponder this for a moment.

Here, watch this while I’m pondering because I don’t think anyone actually followed the link yesterday, and it really is all kinds of awesome.


OK, I couldn’t come up with anything on my own, so I’m borrowing from another source of awesomeness. (Make a mental note–and this is for you, not for me because I’ve already mentally noted, which is how I already know to share it with you–when you’re going to “borrow” ideas, always borrow from a source of awesomeness.  Don’t even mess with stealing borrowing bad ideas.  It’s just a waste of everyone’s time, except maybe for the lamewad who came up with the bad idea in the first place because his bad idea ended up getting double usage even if it was unworthy of it.  Do you ever get the feeling you’re rambling?  Aimlessly?  And hopelessly?)  Awhile back, Madhousewife ran a Wacky search terms Writer’s Challenge on her blog, which I quite enjoyed (possibly because I won as evidenced by my “Ho Nuva Level” Bada$$ Snoopy badge prominently displayed on my left sidebar, and oh looky, it’s right there—how convenient!), so I’m thinking perhaps you might enjoy it too.

So here’s the dealio.  Write a short story using as many of the following “By the lbs” search terms as possible:

i love cheetos crunchy when fresh

pony tails boys

ergonomic rag

facebook friend request nervous

safe within my womb

celebrity mr. clean look alike

cool sock monkey

my mouth burns after eating potato chips

prettyfull unicorn

pottymouth synonym

i’m cryin stupid boy

office goers hair comb

monkey pointing down

what did you say

how to wear your hair to school

long pinky nail hispanic

a hand that waves whatever

porch monkey

“really, sir, you must allow that this o

what happen in my head what wrong in my m

valentine’s day inflatable lawn ornament

monkey wearing flip flops

mr.t as a cake

sad sock monkey

did you just shake your tic-tacs at me

“no, she beats me up

is stupid, i mean outrageous. stay away

“duck crossing” or “ducks crossing”


Let’s say the contest will be open until next Tuesday, February 3, and then I will announce the winner on Wacky Search Term Wednesday, February 4.  The winner will receive a still to be determined prize, but rest assured it will be of some degree of awesomeness because everything that comes from By the lbs is measured in degrees of awesomeness (anywhere from 0° to holy frick this is hot awesome!°).  Oh, and post your entries right here in the comments, no matter the length, so that we might all partake and enjoy the goodness thereof.  Good luck!  And remember, just have fun with it.

That 25 Random Things Meme

28 Jan

Now with bonus commentary and linkage!

OK, so yeah, this is totally cheating since I already posted this on Facebook like two days ago, but whatever.  I have visitors coming this morning and my hair is still wet and I’m fairly certain there is something that could be picked up or tidied downstairs.  Plus there are still a couple of you out there who I haven’t cornered into being my friend on Facebook, so it will be new for someone, right?

Thanks to Amanda and Susan, who both gave me the idea on FB.

25 Random Things About Me.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

1. I have a Facebook nemesis–a friend from almost 20 years ago who goes around beating all of my high scores on random Facebook games. Trying to win back the top spot accounts for 50% of my daily activities. Just kidding. Mostly.  (As of now, I’m kicking his boo-tay on biggest brain and word challenge, and I have a slight lead in mini-golf and geo challenge.  We’re tied in bowling at 221, though he’s won more challenge matches than I have so he’s got the #1 spot.  Harumph!)

2. Because of Geo Challenge, I now know there’s a country named Vanatu, and its national flag is black, green and red with a little yellow squiggly swirly in the black part. Obviously, time well spent.  (A couple Geo Challenge flag tips for you: “Iraq is black” and “Nauru is blue”.)

3. I suspect my husband is cheating. In our FB Scrabble games. That’s right, the secret to 15 years of marital bliss is online board games. Our passion is still burning with the red, hot fiery flames of words like “picaroon” and “gonads”. I still don’t believe he came up with “picaroon” on his own.

4. My family thinks my guacamole is the best on the planet. My homemade pizza too.  (I think they’re high about the pizza thing–it’s not bad, but nothing to write home about–but the guac is good, baby.)

5. I’ve mostly lost my passion for cooking since having kids with multiple food allergies.

6. Speaking of food, I have food texture issues. I won’t go near anything soggy, and peaches, plums and grapes give me the heebee jeebees.  (And don’t even get me started on raisins!  This list could go on for like a mile, and yet I still don’t consider myself a picky eater.)

7. Speaking of grapes, I think all grape-flavored foods and candies are disgusting. Ew. And ew.

8. I once single-handedly repaired my washing machine with duct tape. Actually, I think I used both hands. It was still impressive. Trust me.

9. I have a thing for vampires that has nothing whatsoever to do with Twilight. I loved vampires before it was cool to love vampires.

10. I think Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of the best shows in the history of television. And not just because it has vampires in it.  Speaking of awesome vampire television shows, my Moonlight DVDs came last week (a birthday gift from Mad via an Amazon gift card)!  I will have to write a whole separate post about this Ho Nuva Level of awesomeness that is Moonlight.

11. Dishes are my most dreaded household chore. Shudder, shudder, shudder.

12. I have a goal to travel to Italy and England. I’d love to see Jane Austen’s house. Or maybe just the pond Mr. Darcy dives into in A&E’s Pride & Prejudice. Or the misty marsh (this link is bonus awesome, trust me!) the other Mr. Darcy walks across in the other Pride & Prejudice.

13. My #1 goal right now is to get 100% playing Everlong on bass on Rock Band 2. So far, I’m up to 97% on hard. And when I get 100% on expert, you can bet good money I’ll be posting video of the momentous occasion on youtube.

14. Rock Band makes me feel like a rockstar.  (I’ve got plans for a Rock Band post.  Stay tuned…)

15. Hearing my 3 year old daughter singing “Hungry Like the Wolf” gives me no pause. Realizing that hearing my 3 year old daughter singing “Hungry Like the Wolf” gives me no pause gives me a little pause.

16. My #2 goal right now is to get my 3 year old potty-trained by Valentine’s Day 2009. Why Valentine’s Day? So I can truly love her on the official day of love.

17. I’m fairly certain my kids are among the funniest on the planet. Ever.

18. I have been known to eat an entire bag of Cheetos in two sittings. Sometimes I even regret it.

19. I am the only one with my name on all of Facebook, which makes me wonder how I’m getting friend requests from people I’ve never heard of. It’s not like they could have meant “the other Bythelbs”.

20. I sometimes think I should be doing more with my life.

21. I want to be a writer when I grow up.

22. I’m a very sentimental person and form irrational attachments to things that remind me of people I love and care about. (I still have a crumpled up gum wrapper that a boy I had a crush on when I was 16 tossed at me.  It’s just been in my scrapbook since I put it there almost 20 years ago.  I don’t like sleep with it under my pillow or anything.)  Losing these kinds of things in a house fire or other natural disaster is one of my greatest fears.

23. I have entire conversations with people in my mind that I would never have in person. Not in a million years. Although, occasionally I regret having left some things unsaid.  (We just talked about this.)

24. My favorite song right now is Read My Mind by The Killers. I don’t know why. (Maybe it has something to do with #23. Hmmm…) I just love it. Oh and I’ve got tickets to see The Killers in April!

25. One talent I wish I had, but totally don’t, is singing. I really, really wish I could sing. Well. Not even amazingly well. Just regular old well. Or maybe delightfully well.  (Someday I might show you the video DynaGirl took of me singing both parts of a duet of “Come On, Eileen” on Singstar.)

I tag anyone who hasn’t done it yet (maybe Alison? Boquinha? Shazza?), and if you have, I encourage you to post yours on your blog also so as to validate my own choice to do so.

Non-student day

27 Jan

Stupidest days ever.  Except that I get to sleep in and not pack lunches.  Still have to make lunches, though, so that’s kind of a rip off.  Don’t have to fight with Goose about her refusing to wear socks in 20 degree weather, so that’s a bonus.  Do have to listen to kids get on each other’s nerves for an extra six hours, which is totally suckish.

In other news, I cleaned my kitchen.  Dishes, counters, stovetop (not oven, it’s not like it’s a holiday or anything for crying out loud), floors.  I even put the rugs in the wash to soak in the OxyClean.  I didn’t clean out the refrigerator, but I don’t want to strain anything on my first day back in the cleaning saddle.  My house has been a pit lately, for some inexplicable reason.  Actually, I’m sure there are a plethora of explicable reasons, the most likely of which being that I am a big fat lazya$$, but whatever.  The kitchen is clean!

The kids are all screaming.  I suppose it’s time to make lunch.  Sigh.

Happy Tuesday, everyone.

More conversational tidbits

26 Jan

Just around the house.

DynaGirl:  That’s exactly what I said!  Well, not exactly.  That’s similar to what I said!

It’s all about truth and accuracy with her.


DynaGirl:  J (my 15 year old niece) said girls either start puberty at 8, 9 or 10.

Me:  Oh?  And when did you have this conversation?

DynaGirl:  I don’t know.  I’m not even sure that we did.

Call your next witness.

In the dressing room at The Gap.

Me, trying on a top:  What do you think?

DynaGirl:  That’s really cute.  I love it.

Goose:  That looks good enough to track down a boy.

Me:  But I already have a boy.

DynaGirl, shaking her head:  That’s just wrong, Goose.

I bought two.

More around the house.

BigHugs:  Wowie zowie!!


BigHugs:  It’s dee eye uh duh tiger, it’s duh fill uh duh figh, wisin’ up to duh na na na na wivals.  An duh wass no na na na talks is pay in duh nigh, annie’s watchin’ us all wi dee eyeeeeeeeeee uh duh tiger!

Hungwy Wike Duh Woof is almost as cute.

Mr. T’s got the music in him.

Me, holding up his Sunday shirt:  It just came right out of the dryer, but it’s still kind of wrinkly.  Is it very noticeable?

Mr. T, singing to Eye of the Tiger:  It came… right out of the dryer, but it’s still wrinkle-ly.  I WONder if anyone will no-ho-tice.


Mr. T, helping DynaGirl out of the back of the van:  Ooooh, we’re halfway there.  Woah-oh, livin’ on a prayer.  Take my hand (takes her hand), we’ll make it I swear.


BigHugs:  Can I have some more cheese?

Mr. T, to Safety Dance:  You can have cheese if you want to.  Or you can leave your cheese behind.

I blame thank Rock Band.  Though, I’m not sure where Safety Dance came from.

Getting ready to leave for school this morning.

Me, noticing Mr. T’s shirt, pants, jacket ensemble:  You’re like Little Boy Blue today.  Little Boy Blue come blow your horn.  The sheep’s in the meadow the cow’s in the corn.

Mr. T:  Your face is in the corn.


Off Chuck’s cell

23 Jan

Chuck sent me these downloads from his camera phone yesterday.

We saw this truck at the theater when Chuck took me to see Twilight for my birthday.  Festive, eh?



Chuck saw this at Guitar Center and knew I’d get a kick out of it.


I have a new found respect for Slash.  Here’s the close up:



Fun with Rock Band.


At least I think I’m having fun.  It’s kind of hard to tell from my expression.  Total concentration.  DynaGirl, on the other hand, is obviously having a blast.



Chuck and I were at the Target a couple weekends ago and were checked out by the Target Lady.  Her voice, expressions, mannerisms were right on.  Chuck tried to discreetly snap her photo, so he was afraid to get too close.  Also, it’s hard to see, but those are Tums and a couple bowls of chili on the conveyor belt (both for Mr. T).  Mr. T and DynaGirl actually take the Tums for  a calcium supplement because of their dairy allergy, but I thought it was a funny combo.


Good times.


Have a super fantabulamastic weekend!

It’s all in my mind

22 Jan

Tuesday Mr. T forgot his PE clothes.  It wasn’t his fault.  We have this arrangement where he makes sure his PE clothes make it out of his backpack and into the laundry, and then I make sure they’re washed and put back in his backpack for school.  After I dropped him off at school, I came home to see his clothes sitting on the washer.  I blame MLK Day.  (I mean, Martin Luther King Jr. Day—the man deserves better than to have his day of honor and remembrance abbreviated.)  The long weekends always throw me off as far as school preparations go.  I hopped in the shower so I’d be looking halfway normal to drop off his PE clothes at school after taking the girls to school.  I don’t like to go to my kids’ schools scummed out.  I just don’t want to be that mom.  I mean, I kind of am that mom, but I don’t really want anyone else to know.

The whole time I was in the shower I could not stop thinking about the last time I took Mr. T’s forgotten PE clothes to school.  I was sure that woman was going to feel the need to make some kind of comment again.  I played out the whole conversation in my head.

TW:  Can I help you?

Me:  I just need to drop off my son’s PE clothes.

TW:  Again?  You know, he’s never going to learn responsibility if you don’t let him face the consequences.

Me:  Well, it was really my fault.  See, we have this arrangement where he makes sure his clothes make it out of his backpack and into the laundry and I make sure they’re washed and put back in his backpack.

TW:  You know, I have a daughter in middle school too, and she washes her own PE clothes.

Me:  Good for her.

TW gives me a look.  She detects a tone.  I probably had a tone.  She’s staring at me.

TW:  Is there something on your mind?

Me:  No.  (I’m totally non-confrontational.)

TW:  What?

Me:  Nothing.  (Feeling brave or just really pissed off.) I just think it’s interesting that the two times I’ve come in here since my son started attending this school, you’ve felt the need to make some kind of comment on my parenting.

TW:  Oh really?  Well you can just forget about your son getting his PE clothes.

Me:  You can’t do that.

TW:  Watch me.

Me:  I want to speak to your supervisor!

That’s as far as I got.  The whole scenario was getting very uncomfortable, even in my imagination.  I shy away from conflict.  I’d rather just let things go.  I don’t get into arguments with strangers.  That’s just not me.  Except in my mind.  In my mind, I do it all the time.  It’s kind of like when you think of the perfect comeback after it’s too late and you keep replaying the incident over in your mind, only this time using your perfect comeback.  Sometimes when you try it out, you realize it doesn’t quite work (even in your head), so you rework it until it’s perfect and then you’re simultaneously kicking yourself that you didn’t come up with that when it was all actually going down and grateful that you had kept your mouth shut. 

Only with me, I play these kind of confrontational scenarios out in my mind before anything has ever happened.  And I would also say the majority of my dreams are me in these kinds of situations.  Is this normal?  What’s wrong with me?

So Tuesday morning I get all ready (because you can’t really be taken seriously in an argument when you look like crap, right?) and take the girls to school.  We were running late because I was getting all ready so that I’d be sure to look nice for my throw down with Mr. T’s school receptionist, so of course the parking lot drop-off was even more nightmarish than usual.  I always try to be there a good 10 minutes early to avoid the rush, and we were just barely getting there on time like everyone else and their dog.  I sat patiently (sort of) in the drop off lane, and of course, some joker bypassed the drop off lane line and cut in front of all of us, pulling in perpendicular to the curb so that she blocked off the exit for everyone behind her.  I was fairly certain it was the same lady as last time.  And I thought to myself, “You know, I’m already trying to mentally prep myself for meeting TW at Mr. T’s school and now I have some other lady totally asking for it.” 

It was fortunate, though, that it happened to be a day when I was already showered and dressed because typically I’m still in my pajamas with just a jacket on top (because it’s cold plus I haven’t bothered to put on essential undergarments yet, which for me aren’t really so much essential except that I just can’t imagine going out in public without them even if nobody would ever know the difference), and like I said, you can’t be taken seriously in an argument if you’re the scummed out loser mom in pajamas with mascara rings around her eyes and her ladies, however discreet, hanging wild and free.  I mean sure, we’re in cars, so theoretically no one would see me all scummed out, but were I to make any kind of gesture or indication of my disgust at her total lack of parking lot etiquette, she might feel the need to exit her vehicle and come over to mine.  And then would I roll down my window?  Would she just verbally abuse me or try to smack or spit at me?  If things escalated like that, no doubt the school office would get involved, and surely I would be forced to exit my vehicle and reveal to the world that I am that mom.  See how these things work?  Situations deteriorate like that.  Like that!

But, of course, I made no gesture or indication of disgust, and went on my way.  As I headed off to Mr. T’s school, I tried to refocus on the task at hand.  I couldn’t have any frickin’ parking lot jerko crazy mother drivers distracting me when I was trying to figure out how I could safely and peaceably drop off my son’s PE clothes.  I got to the school, walked into the office, and had this conversation with that woman receptionist.

TW:  Can I help you?

Me:  I just needed to drop off my son’s PE clothes.

TW:  OK, what’s his name?

Me:  Mr. T.

TW:  OK, I’ll make sure he gets them.  Thanks for bringing them.  Big smile.

Me:  OK, thanks.

No snide remarks or judgemental comments or a tone even.  No smackdown.  I was relieved.  And a little disappointed.

So tell me, what portion of your day do you devote to constructing strategies for winning imaginary confrontations? 

A little flashback fun to distract you from the crazy.