I’m really a very trusting person

25 Feb

So Chuck arranged to switch our phone service over to the same company that provides our internet (something about a deal and saving money, blah, blah, blah) and scheduled the dude to come out today.  First off, we all know how I feel about the service call.  So I spent last night and this morning tidying about the house (yes, it did require two sessions, just shut it!) and then came downstairs a little before noon to hang out all casual like til he came.  He was supposed to be here sometime between 12 and 2 pm.  (I know—have you ever heard of such a small window of time for a service call appointment?!)  I always like to finish up my tidying with plenty of down time left to catch my breath and appear casual.  I don’t like people catching me in the act of the tidying or catching me all rosy-cheeked after a good tidying, if you know what I mean.  It’s just none of their business if I’ve been tidying.  For all they should know, I’m all about the tidy all the time and am not about the quickie tidy for service calls and such.

I decided to try to catch up on one of my DVR’d shows while I waited.  I have about 26 hours of dramas to watch, having as of late invested all of my spare TV time to my Buffy DVDs.  (I’m on part one of the two part season finale of season 3—the ascension!)  I put on an episode of The Closer from a couple weeks back.  It was a lovely episode about a serial rapist.  I only got about 15 minutes or so into it before the phone dude showed up, so I paused while I got him situated and then came back to it.  So as the case unfolded, it turned out these are two-man jobs.  One guy works for a delivery company and scopes out potential victims–young, attractive, blonde women who appear to be alone.  If he finds one that fits the bill, he leaves a window unlocked and then returns with his partner that night, who is actually the real sicko bad guy rapist.  The delivery guy just acts as look out.

It ended up being kind of a complicated story, legally speaking—they can’t bring the real sicko bad guy rapist up on charges because of all this legal mumbo jumbo (something about no physical evidence and not being able to use the testimony of his partner, blah, blah, blah) and he ends up getting away with it.  I hate it when they get away with it!  So I was sitting there all annoyed when it hit me that I have a service guy in my house right now.  And I am young (ish) and attractive (I’m assuming enough for a sicko bad guy rapist, though trust me, that’s not what I’d call a real self-esteem booster) and blonde (hey, they didn’t specify naturally) and I was alone!  Well, I had BigHugs with me, but still.  So you can bet your sweet bippy that I have made sure that all of my windows are secure, and I’m also kind of wondering if I should be dusting for fingerprints (I’m pretty sure he wasn’t wearing gloves, which, now that I think of it, he probably would have been wearing gloves had he really been scoping out my potential victimness, so that’s kind of reassuring) or trying to make a plaster cast of his footprint in my family room carpet (I did freshly vacuum, so there should be a good imprint.  No wait, that’s a lie.  I totally didn’t vacuum.  Plus also, I think he was wearing plastic booties over his shoes.  Wait, plastic booties?  That’s a little suspicious, isn’t it?  Premeditation?  To prevent a good imprint or the leaving behind of any relevant evidence such as dirt that could be traced back to his place of residence and link him to the scene of the crime?  He said he didn’t want to get my carpet dirty, but my carpet is so obviously trashed already—a likely story!) 

And now I’ve used so many parentheticals that I totally don’t remember where I was going with this except that I would recommend that you not watch a TV show about service people in cahoots with real sicko bad guy rapists whilst hosting a service person in your home.  And also, the carpet be darned!  Much better to have the service dude leaving a trail of evidence that can later be used to convict his sorry sicko bad guy butt!

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10 Responses to “I’m really a very trusting person”

  1. Mother of the Wild Boys February 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm #

    You bet I’ll bet my sweet bippy…dude, safety first. 🙂

  2. foofer February 25, 2009 at 9:12 pm #

    ::snicker::

    No, seriously, I’m always a little nervous about service guys in the house when I’m alone. I always make sure I’ve got my phone handy and a blunt object nearby. I’ve never had to use them, though.

  3. Alison Wonderland February 25, 2009 at 10:12 pm #

    I was wondering when you were going to figure out that the story on the show was a little too close to what was going on in your house. I’m so glad you’re ok. So far.

  4. bythelbs February 25, 2009 at 10:32 pm #

    Mother— 🙂

    Foofer—I had the phone, but I hadn’t thought about the blunt object. Would my rubber meat mallet work? Is that too conspicuous to put next to me on the couch?

    Alison—Here’s hoping.

  5. madhousewife February 25, 2009 at 11:07 pm #

    I love Paranoia Self-destroya posts!

    This was a good one. You actually had me worried for you a little bit.

    And now I’m off to lock all my doors, as my husband is out of town. At least I’m not blonde!

  6. flip flop mama February 25, 2009 at 11:50 pm #

    Ahh freaky! I hope he doesn’t turn out to be some creepy guy who was just scoping things out!

    I was trying to take a nap this afternoon and I kept hearing weird noises like someone unlocking the door. No one WAS unlocking the door but I couldn’t sleep because I kept running these scenarios though my mind of what I’d do if someone DID unlock the door and try to come into my house. Plus I didn’t have my phone next to me so I was thinking how in the heck I would call 911 and get Boogers in my room safely–she really was sleeping. Then my mind kept going and the creepy intruder hit me in the head and knocked me out and took Boogers and I was trying really hard to remember what she was wearing in case I had to call the Police, but there wouldn’t be any way to find him since I was knocked out and didn’t see them driving away. Stupid crazy paranoia. Gets ya every time.

  7. tawnya February 26, 2009 at 7:38 am #

    The more I read, the more I’m convinced we’d be just the best of friends…

  8. Julie February 26, 2009 at 8:43 am #

    I totally pre-tidy and then while they’re there, I pretend to do productive things like fold laundry (I knew I was saving it for something!!) or clean toilets or something. I just can’t let them think I sit around all day on the computer or TV (why I care about the opinion of a stranger, I don’t know — maybe just don’t want to perpetuate the bon-bon eating housewife myth???) which I totally do.
    Glad nobody killed a/o raped you. Really, I am.

    Oh, and yesterday I was downstairs putting away laundry and Lily and Brigham couldn’t find me and they opened the front door and went out in the road to find me (like I hang out in the road frequently???) and thankfully a neighbor and NOT a pseudo phone service guy scoper-outer found them and sat with them till I came upstairs. Whew! Law & Order:SVU is the one that always sends me into paranoia self-destroya.

  9. Susan M February 26, 2009 at 9:52 am #

    I guess that’s one advantage of living in apartments. Always people around within hearing distance.

    But sometimes I wonder about our upstairs neighbors. I swear the thumping at night sounds like they’re hauling dead bodies around. OK, more like furniture, but dead bodies fit the theme here a bit more.

  10. bythelbs February 26, 2009 at 12:54 pm #

    Mad—Thank you for your concern. And keep those windows secured!

    Flip—That’s the worst when you’re trying to sleep!

    Tawnya—We willllll be. (Sorry for the creepy/dorky Master Yoda Empire Strikes Back reference.) But gee, I’d love that!

    Julie—I wasn’t thinking about the looking busy! And here I was just sitting on my butt watching TV. I may as well have had my feet propped up with a box of bonbons by my side! I did try to keep the volume on the show down so he hopefully wouldn’t notice that I was watching a show about a serial rapist with my 3 year old daughter by my side. MOTY! And the wandering kid thing gives me heart palpitations. I can’t even watch L&O:SVU.

    Susan—The houses in my neighborhood are very close together, so I’m sure if I had a chance to scream, somebody would likely hear me. Hmmm, somehow I’m not finding that so terribly reassuring.

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