Anatomy lessons

7 May

Tuesday morning.  In the kitchen.

BigHugs:  Mama, I hurt my nostril.

Me:  You hurt your nostril?

BigHugs, grabbing crotch: Yeah, right here.

Me:  That’s not your nostril.  Why do you call it your nostril?

BigHugs:  ‘Cause that’s what I call my extra body.

Me:  Your extra body, huh?

BigHugs:  Yep, that’s right.  That’s what I call it.  Everything is a nostril on your body.

Me:  Everything is a nostril?

BigHugs, turning around and patting her booty:  Yeah, except for this.

Me:  What’s that?

BigHugs:  That’s a bummy!

Nostrils?  Extra body?  I’m so confused.  She’s so confused.


Later that day.  In the car.

BigHugs:  Mommy, I hurt my crotch.

Me:  How did you do that?

BigHugs:  I just scratched it.

Me:  Oh. … Where is your crotch?

BigHugs, pointing to nostril:  Right here.

It’s all starting to make sense now.  A natural mistake, really, seeing how the words “crotch” and “nostril” are practically interchangeable.


DynaGirl had a field trip yesterday to go swimming at the local YMCA, and came home somewhat disturbed by her locker room adventure.  She saw naked people.  Apparently, they were just walking around and sitting on benches and carrying on normal conversations with boobs and bums and other bits hanging out for all the world to see.  I had not even thought to prepare her for this inevitable YMCA experience.  Although, I’m not sure how one goes about preparing for it.

DynaGirl:  And there were old ladies in their bathing suits, and when I saw them I was like (putting hands to the sides of her face), “Ahhhh!” in my head.  And then when I saw them naked, I was like, “AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” in my head.

Goose, coming in late to the conversation:  There were naked people?

DynaGirl:  It was like the girls locker room and so there were like only girls, so I guess some people are OK with it, but some people are like not OK with it, so they should be more considerate.

Can I hear an AMEN?


18 Responses to “Anatomy lessons”

  1. shazza May 7, 2009 at 8:26 am #

    Better not let her near my garden, then…

  2. Julie May 7, 2009 at 9:07 am #

    Yes, yes you can. I LOUD one from this neck of the woods.

    Nostril, crotch, yeah, I can totally see how those two could get mixed up.

  3. bythelbs May 7, 2009 at 9:13 am #

    Shaz—Well, doctors orders…

    Julie—Yeah, right? *snicker*

  4. cheryl May 7, 2009 at 9:16 am #


    Ironic that old women, who are finally okay with their bodies, think it’s okay to flaunt them, when, in fact, they are at their ugliest and should not be shared. But then again, old lady bodies do not create the sense of hormones in a man the way a young, firm body would. So, in that way, it’s probably good it’s the old ladies gettin’ naked and not the young ones. Of course, I just realized that in a girl’s locker room, there are no men. So, my point is now completely moot.
    And I’m okay with that.

  5. Mother of the Wild Boys May 7, 2009 at 9:31 am #

    Oh, the memories of the YMCA locker room are all coming back to me know…the horror!

  6. Kamilli Vanilli May 7, 2009 at 10:13 am #

    I’m amazed that BigHugs even knows the word “crotch.” That’s impressive. She’s been taught well.

    The locker rooms are traumatic. I don’t go in them anymore. I’ll shower and change at home, thank you very much.

    And, to cheryl’s point–no, there are no men, but there are plenty of lesbians. Believe me. PLENTY. So your point is not moot!

  7. cheryl May 7, 2009 at 11:33 am #

    Now I will never be able to enter a locker room.
    Never. Again!

  8. Alison Wonderland May 7, 2009 at 12:11 pm #

    Amen and Amen.

  9. tawnya May 7, 2009 at 12:47 pm #

    Man, I hate the word crotch…it’s up there with moist for me!

  10. boquinha May 7, 2009 at 12:55 pm #

    Amen to Tawnya’s comment.

  11. bythelbs May 7, 2009 at 1:03 pm #

    Cheryl—I don’t think casually walking around nude has to necessarily follow being OK with your body. And I can think of several other reasons to avoid locker rooms. Several.

    Mother—The horror indeed!

    Kamilli—I thought of you yesterday as DynaGirl was reliving the trauma.

    Alison—Say it, sistah.

    Tawnya—Did you just use crotch and moist in the same comment?

    Boquinha—I agree. It’s not exactly a standard part of my vocab, though I think I might prefer it over “my private place”. Now that gives me the willies.

  12. madhousewife May 7, 2009 at 2:29 pm #

    I hate to break it to you, but your daughter is insane.

    I think “crotch” is my son’s favorite word. How that happened, I don’t know.

  13. tawnya May 7, 2009 at 4:19 pm #

    Yes, yes I did. And I’ve now reached my quota for life!

  14. Julie May 7, 2009 at 4:23 pm #

    I don’t mind crotch.

    And I think crotch and moist ought to give you some nice little WSTs. You know, in this context it’s starting to sound like an STD. Too many descriptors and acronyms. Let’s be done, shall we?

  15. Janelle May 7, 2009 at 10:07 pm #

    One time, me and my best friend decided to go to Napa for our birthdays which are both in October. We signed up for mud baths. Not knowing, of course that the mud baths were in a shared room.

    Nor did we know that the shower to rinse said mud off was also shared.


    There really is no respectful or modest way to remove mud from your entire body, but we did the best we could to keep our eyes to ourselves. But sometimes we like to shock people with the story. Like I did here.

  16. Susan M May 8, 2009 at 7:13 am #

    LOL. This post and all the comments are so awesome.

  17. flip flop mama May 8, 2009 at 10:46 am #

    Amen to Susan’s comment. I was seriously traumatized when I realized that women actually walk around naked in locker rooms. Why is it always old women?!!

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