Archive | July, 2009

Number four is four!

31 Jul

BigHugs was born on 7-31 at 1:31 am, weighing 7 lbs 7 oz.  I’ve always liked those numbers. 

Once we decided that our number four would be our last, I was determined to get this one right—to avoid all of the mistakes I thought I’d made with the first three.  It didn’t take long for me to realize that either I’m not the kind of mom who learns from her mistakes or BigHugs isn’t the kind of kid who bends to the will and whims of her mother.

Year four has brought to pass so many milestones:  out of diapers, out of our bed, out of our hair for a few moments at a time as she’s discovered how to entertain herself.  As the last vestiges of babyhood fade away, I occasionally find myself wondering why I ever waste a moment wishing she would just grow up a little already.  The past few months I’ve begun to feel the distance–that little bit of space opening up between us that has been both a source of relief and regret.  Her more recent clinginess and sometimes resistance to all the “big girl” talk makes me wonder if maybe part of her is feeling it too, if maybe part of her is subconsciously reeling herself back in a bit.  That pull makes me hopeful for the future—hopeful that no matter what we may say or do to each other in the coming years, we’ll instinctively manage to keep each other within reachable bounds.IMG_2032

Happy 4th birthday, BigHugs!  I couldn’t have asked for a better last chapter to the story of my childbearing years—a chapter I hope will fill volumes.  I love you!


Hot! Hot!! Hot!!!

30 Jul

My number one goal of this blog is to make you all realize your full potential.  (Bet you didn’t know that, did you?)  It pains me to see you guys sell yourselves short.  You are all amazing, extremely capable, vital, and (dare I say?) desirable women.  Believe it!  I’m determined to make you see it!  And believe it!!  If it’s the last thing I do!!!


“That thing is fantastic!!!! Is it weird that the more I see snuggies the more I want one? The first time I saw the commercial I thought it was about the dumbest thing going but… well, the whole idea has been growing on me to the point that, dangit, I want one!

But I’m not sure I can pull off the leopard print.”


Oh, but you can.  You so can.





(Dudes, keep in mind it’s like a thousand degrees inside my house.  This is your brain.  This is your brain on a frickin’ hot frying pan.  Any questions?)


DynaGirl saw this and said she wanted a zebra print Snuggie.  “They make a zebra print Snuggie?” I scoffed.  “In your dreams!”  Well…

Dreams come true!*  And it’s two for the price of one!  With bonus book lights!  Anyone want to go halvsies with me?

*Be sure to watch the video for maximum linkage pleasure.

Now THAT’S wild

30 Jul

So you know that quick errand I mentioned yesterday?  While I was there, I saw this:

leopard snuggie

I’m sure you can imagine how disappointed I felt that they didn’t come out with these, like, four months ago

But can’t you just picture yourself?  Reading a book?  Watching a movie?



I think the heat was the only thing keeping me from picking one up for myself yesterday.

Getting there

29 Jul

Goose had cheer camp this morning, and I thought after I dropped her off I’d run a quick errand. I’m not at the high school much, so I’m not overly familiar with the roads there. I turned down one I thought would get me where I wanted to go. But it didn’t. It didn’t cut through to the street I needed, so I decided to just head a little farther north.

A little farther north is a bunch of neighborhoods, but I figured one of them would connect to the main street I was looking for. I turned down a street that kind of twisted and turned, making it difficult for me to see if it would actually go through. I saw a road off to my left that seemed to have an excessive number of speed bumps for a residential neighborhood—I took that as a sign that people had probably been using this as a thoroughfare to the main street and turned left. I was right about the excessiveness of the speed bumps (that was quite a ride), but wrong about it leading to where I wanted to go. Turn after turn only led me to dead ends, which was frustrating because don’t they usually post “dead end” or “not a through street” signs? A little warning might have been nice.

What was even more frustrating was finally getting to a street that ran parallel to the one I wanted, and still not being able to get there because they were separated by a large field with no connecting streets. For blocks. I made my way out of that residential neighborhood, annoyed with the unnecessary detours, and went even farther north until I found the street that would get me to the street I needed. Finally, I was on the right street and then the train rails came down. Sometimes you can head off the train farther down the road, but sometimes you just have to wait. So I waited. And I got to where I was going. And it was OK.

It’s still blasted hot. But that’s OK too.



Running errands.

BigHugs, getting into the car yesterday: It’s freaking hot.

BigHugs will be four on Friday.

Checking out

28 Jul

It’s maddening in here.  I’m about 15 minutes away from taking an ax to the doors.  I gotta get out.  Now.

All heat and no relief makes bythelbs a complete psychopath.
All heat and no relief makes bythelbs a complete psychopath.
All heat and no relief makes bythelbs a complete psychopath.
All heat and no relief makes bythelbs a complete psychopath.
All heat and no relief makes bythelbs a complete psychopath.
All heat and no relief makes bythelbs a complete psychopath.
All heat and no relief makes bythelbs a complete psychopath.

(Just ask the kids.)

Hope you’re all staying cool. And sane.

I’m meeeeelllllllllltiiiiiiing

27 Jul

An air conditioner!  An air conditioner!  My kingdom for an air conditioner!

Good frick, it’s hot.


DynaGirl today (she doesn’t do well in the heat):

I don’t even want to get up.  I feel like a piece of crap.

Amen, sister.


Well, I’m off to wallow in a pool of my own drippings.  Hope everyone is enjoying their Monday!

Songs from the big chair

24 Jul

Yesterday, I had my dreaded dentist appointment.  It was pretty much the uzsh.  My hygienest talked too much (why do they insist on trying to have a conversation with you when you’re incapable of responding?), the dental assistant (who wasn’t even working on me that day and only saw me from the back of my head) admired my foil, and, oh, my dentist (who looks and talks exactly like this–EXACTLY) informed me that the sensitivity I’d been experiencing in my lower right molars is from having two cracked teeth.  Fantastic.  She started to explain something about removing fillings and checking things out and “root canal” might have been tossed in there somewhere.  I couldn’t really say because I was too busy listening to the music.

It all started as I was sitting in the waiting room.  When I first sat down, Foreigner’s Waiting For a Girl Like You*  was playing, which, of course, was awesome.  I mean, as far as dental office waiting room music goes, does it get much better than that?  But then Feel Like Making Love by Roberta Flack came on and I was like, “That’s what I’M talking about.”  I had brought a book, but I didn’t get very far—it’s pretty hard to read and do mental karaoke simultaneously, especially when you’re being constantly bombarded by awesomeness.   Just as Roberta’s voice was fading in the distance, I heard “Can you hear me?  Can you hear me running?” –classic Mike & the Mechanics, Silent Running.  Then something countryish came on and my hygienist came out to fetch me.

Luckily for me, the exam rooms share the same speaker system with the waiting room.  Peter Cetera kept me company while I had my x-rays done.  I can’t remember which song or if it was from his time with Chicago or after he went solo—it wasn’t one of his more familiar tunes, though that voice is unmistakeable.  Then as the hygienist was scraping and picking at my teeth, I started praying for it to all be over while George Michael was Praying For Time.  My hands gripped my chair arms as she poked and prodded my gums, but Lionel told me to just chill.  It was all very soothing.

The assortment of songs that followed was really…interesting.  Next up was Ebony & Ivory (which I can’t hear without thinking of this), then Crystal Gayle’s Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue followed by Missing from EBTG.  And when Mr. Bolton started crooning How Am I Supposed to Live Without You? I thought my dental appointment experience was complete (or at least, I was hoping—my cleaning was over and I was waiting for my exam).  But no, there was more!  I still had to get out of Billy Ocean’s dreams and get into his car and then Anita Baker was giving me the best that she’s got and then just as I was starting to get good and irritated that the dentist still hadn’t come in to do my examination, some chick (I can never remember who she is) was reminding me to breathe, just breathe.

Still waiting for the dentist, I got a little Boyz II Men and an odd cover of Norah Jones’ Don’t Know Why, which I could have sworn was SmokeyRobinson and it was and good frick, where the aitch was this dentist already?  My wait was still not quite over, but not to worry because it was Mike and Ann to the rescue!  (As far as I was concerned, there was nothing almost about this paradise.) 

At this point, I lost all track of time.  I don’t know when the dentist came in because, like I said, I was too busy listening to the music.  There were just three songs left:  Jennifer Warnes’s Right Time of The Night (What’s with all the making love at the dentist? And WHAT is up with this youtube video?), Billy Ocean’s Mystery Lady (You know you’ve been at the dentist too long when you hear two Billy Ocean ditties during the same appointment.  Nothing against Mr. Ocean, who is undisputably awesome, but really, what are the odds?), and A Whole New World (heaven knows I loves me some Peabo). 

So there it is—the soundtrack to my latest dental adventure.  I have another appointment in September to take care of those pesky cracked teeth, and strangely enough, I’m almost looking forward to it. 


*While I was searching youtube for this song, I came across a version Andy Gibb did on Solid Gold (Mad, you HAVE to follow this link—seriously, talk about your solid gold!).  Following that link led me to this, one of my most favorite Andy Gibb songs ever.  Isn’t he pretty?  Sigh.  Yet another life cut tragically short.

In which the universe raises its pinky finger of scorn at me…again

22 Jul

We went to the doctor today.  Better safe than sorry, right?  Only a fool would let her accident prone daughter walk around with broken bones hanging out all willy nilly for ten days more than once.  I am no fool, sisters.  No fool!

So that sore pinky is perfectly fine.  Beautiful, intact bones.  WHAT a re-LIEF!  It’s just the hand that’s broken.  Yes, my friends, the hand.  Who needs a broken finger when you can just break the WHOLE DING DANG HAND?!



It looks like her already paid for cheer camp is out next week.  Piano is a no-go, too.  And she’s actually pretty excited that the swimming lessons I had planned for the first week of August will have to wait as well.  Oh well.  It could have been worse, right?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Well, THAT’S not ALL, folks!  Why settle for a broken hand when you can have a broken hand AND, wait for it…





And you know what would be even MORE awesome?  How about we put that broken hand and broken elbow on DIFFERENT ARMS?!



Bonus!  Isn’t that just FAN-TAS-tic?!

As the Dr. splinted her up, DynaGirl started to sniff.  Not because she was crying, but because she needed to wipe her nose. 

Dr:   You poor thing.  You’re not even going to be able to blow your own nose.  I didn’t think about that.  And how are you going to eat?  I didn’t think about that.  And, oh no!  How are you going to wipe your behind when you use the bathroom?!  I didn’t even think about that!

Good questions, Doc.  Good questions.  So far I’ve fed her, dressed her, and taken care of her more personal needs.  Good times, my friends.  Good times.  We see the ortho guy tomorrow (or today, depending on when you read this).  Our doctor wasn’t sure whether or not she’d end up with two casts or one.  We’ll just have to wait and see.  Obviously, I’m tingling with anticipation.

And as if this wasn’t enough excitement, Chuck got called out of town last minute.  He leaves early tomorrow morning and will be back next week on Friday.  Awesome.  Oh, and for just a little more icing on the cake, guess what lucky girl gets to go to the dentist in the morning?  That’s right!  Me!  It’s me, me, me, ME, ME!  I love my life!  It…Just…Keeps…Getting…Better!


In all seriousness, I’m actually very glad it’s just a couple of broken bones.  Thankfully, she was wearing a helmet.  She’s OK.  Inconvenienced, greatly, but OK.  And, as usual, my blessings are too many to count.


And, as a TOTALLY unrelated aside, here’s some classic PSB for you (I think Neil Tennant’s hair is wondering this same thing):



Best laid plans

22 Jul

Yesterday a friend of mine called to check up on me, as she is often so thoughtful to do, and we ended up making plans to take our children to the lake.  I resisted the idea at first because, well, that would require some effort on my part.  Some planning.  Some packing up of gear.  Some sunscreening of the children.  I figured I had already taken my kids on vacation, so I should be done with vacation-type preparations for the rest of the summer.  But then I thought about how I’d spent the last ten days holed up in my home with bored, bickering children and decided there was a slight possibility it might be worth the trouble.  For my sanity’s sake.  So we agreed to meet at my house at 11:30 am today to head to the lake, and I was grateful to have a plan for the day.

Well, last night Goose comes running in the house to fetch me because DynaGirl crashed on her bike.  She and her neighbor friend were coming around a corner from opposite directions and crashed right into each other.  I arrived at the scene to see the neighbor girl sitting on the curb, bawling with a skinned knee and her sister standing over her sobbing hysterically as if she were standing vigil over her death bead.  DynaGirl was still on the ground, bleeding from multiple places.  She had managed to skin up her right hand, left ankle (in three places), left knee (with some superficial road rash running down the length of her leg) and left palm.  Her palm actually looked pretty gnarly.  She was also complaining of a sore right pinky and a sore left elbow.

I brought her home to clean her up.  Her right hand was already starting to bruise and swell.  I couldn’t tell if her left elbow was swollen, but she couldn’t move it much before protesting in pain.  I knew then we’d be going to the doctor.  After last time, I wouldn’t dare not take her.

So no lake for us, but at least we still have plans for the day.  And we’re both showered and dressed and it’s only 9:30 am.  Every cloud…


P.S.  Please send your most excellent breast karma Mad’s way today.

Mr. T saves the day

21 Jul

Today is my mom’s birthday.  Hrrmph.

Let’s talk about this instead.


Watching Mr. T pick the flaking skin off his arms and legs.

Me:  You need to exfoliate.

Mr. T:  What’s that?

Me:  When you scrub off your dead layer of skin.

Mr. T:  Should I try to molt?

Me:  You are molting.

Mr. T:  No, I mean like shed my whole layer of skin all at once.

Me:  How are you going to go about trying?

Mr. T:  I don’t know.  Maybe I can buy a manual “Molting for Dummies”.

I would buy that.


Watching Mr. T stick objects in his nostrils.

Me:  You know, you better be careful or you’re going to do permanent damage to your nose.

Mr. T:  You mean like I’m going to do permanent damage to my reputation by doing this?  Does some kind of weirdo dance around the room with his shirt over his head.

Yeah, just like that.


Other Mr. T-isms heard round the house.

“I love making strange noises for no reason.”

“Random acts of rudeness.”

Thank heaven for Mr. T.