Archive | March, 2010

I’m off like a dirty shirt

27 Mar

We’re taking off for a week today. 

Some parting music.  Except it’s all wrong.  Because I will be missing you at all.  I’ll be missing the heck out of you.  All.

(The above link is the original, but here’s another version that gets bonus points for the duet action and for featuring a mature, but still pretty hot Mr. Waite.)

Happy Spring and Easter to all of you!

BigHugs Scissorhands

24 Mar

Ten minutes ago.

BigHugs, holding up a stuffed animal:  Look!  I cut the strings off the tag all by myself, and I didn’t even cut off my fingers!

Should I be concerned that that was a risk she seemed willing to take when she decided to wield the scissors?


Sigh le fricking sigh. And also why??

19 Mar

Last night was Goose’s All-City Elementary School Choir Concert.  At the local high school gym.  That holds 20,000 people.  Who each drove separately. Or so it would seem.  Holy frick. 

Why must their be so many elementary schools? 

With choirs? 

Why must so many parents encourage their children to participate in their elementary school choirs? 

Why do you still have to park a mile away from the school when you arrive 30 minutes early?

Why are bleachers the most uncomfortable seating apparatus on the planet?

Why does the kid sitting behind me always have extra long legs and knobby knees and the total inability to sit still for more than 17 seconds at a time?

Why does the mayor have to spend 10 minutes droning on about our schools’ music programs and lecturing parents about spending more time with their kids?

Why do elementary school choirs always have to sing songs with titles like Music Matters, It’s All Good, A New Day, All Jazzed Up, You Are Our Heroes, Good Wishes to You, Clean Up Our World, Music Is Always There, Festival!, The Voice, Get Up?

Why are the choir numbers with choreography so much more entertaining than the ones without?

Why did only two of the choir numbers have choreography?

Why did it take over 20 minutes for the paramedics to arrive after the lady 15 feet down the bench from us started having seizures?

Why did the paramedics take a route that crossed the entire length and width of the gym and right past the choir that was performing at the time with the poor woman strapped to the gurney when there was an exit 20 feet from where she was sitting?

Why do elementary schools, where children are supposed to be learning things like how to read and write, insist on cutesy/punny spellings for their ORCA-stras?

Why was the highlight of my evening overhearing the woman sitting next to me tell her husband in a completely deadpan voice, “I’m in hell right now.”?

Actually, the highlight of the evening was seeing Goose perform with her choir.  Naturally, they were the best (choreography, people, choreography!), which explains why they went last and why I had to endure two hours of all the other stuff before there was a reason for me to even be there. 

Sigh le fricking sigh.

Mr. T says Ugh! to drugs

17 Mar

Mr. T came home from school yesterday with this:

Um, why?

Bear in mind, Mr. T is in 8th grade.

Hey Mr. T, want to smoke some weed?

Back off, man.  I don’t have time for your uncool drugs.  Can’t you see I’m measuring here?

Seriously, what is the purpose?

Mr. T has a long history of anti-drug advocacy.  Here he is in a Mr. T and the T-Force comic book.

After he beats up the drug runners, he follows the sound of a crying baby to a dumpster.

His answer to “Hey whut is it?”:  “It’s a crack baby, fool!”

These comic books are obviously a much more effective take home message vehicle in the school-age  anti-drug campaign than rulers and plastic cups will ever be.  I mean, there’s nothing like a few tears to fully convert you to a cause.

Drug PSAs w/ Brooke Shields, David Hasselhoff, & Mr. T
Uploaded by QualityInformation. – Click for more funny videos.

I’m in 17th Heaven

12 Mar

A little something to start off your weekend.

Heaven 17, Let Me Go

(I don’t know what’s up with the coaster, but it was the only video that didn’t have the embedding disabled.)

Another Heaven 17 classic.

Heaven 17, (We Don’t Need This) Fascist Groove Thang

(Whatever your politics, it’s still a toe-tapper.)

Big plans for the weekend?  So far my calendar has “clean the house” and “try to think of something better to do than clean the house.”  Enjoy!

Let’s dance

11 Mar

Earlier this week, Susan M asked for a song that makes you want to get up and dance.  I went through my iTunes library, but had a really difficult time choosing.  My first instinct was to head to the 80s music, since sadly that is where almost all my dancing memories lie.  This initial search has sent me on a journey down music memory lane the past couple of days, which has been really, really fun.

There’s an entire post waiting to be written here, but I only have a couple of minutes before I’ve reached the absolute bare minimum of time needed to get myself ready for BigHugs’ gymnastics class.  So I’m just going to tell you about this one thing really quickly and then I’ll have to get back to the rest of it later.

Last night I was showing Mr. T and DynaGirl a bunch of these songs and their original videos on youtube.  Oh, the 80s music video.  Is there anything else quite like it?  Somehow our meandering youtube navigations brought us to this Peter Murphy classic, Cuts You Up.

Mr. T and DynaGirl’s reaction to the video:

Mr. T: This is like Rick Astley meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

DynaGirl: With a Draco Malfoy makeover.

I love my kids.

And this song. 

P.S. In the end, I went with Jamiroquai’s Canned Heat for Susan’s dance mix.  What would you have picked?

Wacky Search Term Wednesday: 2010 debut!

10 Mar

I’ve been avoiding the WSTW installments, not for lack of worthy WSTW search terms, but for lack of worthy WSTW commentary.  I’ve always felt like these things can’t be forced, but sitting around waiting for the inspiration to come isn’t working.  So I’m forcing it.   I’m forcing the heck out of it.

Let’s do this thing.

le sigh in french means what in english—le seriously?

define bare witness—Talk about your court room drama!  Or trauma (depending on the witness—I can’t make that call without more evidence.)  I can’t handle the naked truth!

on a fancy date but with empty wallet i—am a schmuck?  went home alone?  wonder if she’s going to call?  Yes, undoubtedly, and don’t hold your breath.

valentines day wasn’t very good—Dude, try bringing some cash next time.

gang of sock monkeys strewn out on crack—Darn you, Columbians!  Darn you to heck!

homeowners fail to refinance jesus—This is not an area of your life you want to cut corners on.  You can’t bargain shop the Lord.  See you in heck.  Say hi to the Columbians.

make my artery in leg stop throbbing—I’m sorry.  I wish I could help, but there’s nothing I can do.  You must believe me when I say even my power has limits. 

don’t trust snuggie—Have we learned nothing from the Visitors?  Sure, they claim to come in peace in a spirit of interspecies goodwill and benevolence.  “Let us cure your diseases, share our advanced technology, provide you with a means of comfort and warmth while allowing you to keep your hands free for a bounty of humanoid activities.”  And then the next thing you know, “they’re conquering and subduing the planet, stealing all of the Earth’s water, and harvesting the human race as food, leaving only a few as slaves and cannon fodder for their wars with other alien races.”  Conspiracy theorists never get their due respect until it’s too late.

facts about cow bell as an instrument—Fact #1: The cowbell is an instrument of awesomeness.  Fact #2: See Fact #1.

birthday greetings to mommy from the wom(b)—I don’t know what disgusts me more, this or those people who give each other birthday cards from their cats.

i accidentally put a talisman in the was(her)—I recommend postponing all quests until you have that checked out.  Nothing more reckless and/or  irresponsible than embarking on a journey of unknown peril potential without a fully-functioning charm of magical protection.  Trust me.

unicorn wearing flip flops—So much better than a unicorn wearing thongs.  Trust me.

head and butt towel what so special—Dude, if you have to ask, ew.  The sides are two different colors for a reason.  A good reason.  EW.

if you pick your nose can you do any dam—n good?  age?  Yes and yes.  Use discretion, though, and care.  It’s sometimes helpful to follow up with a nice, cleansing blow.  But stay away from the brown side of the towel.  Trust me.

wishing her stars for making me laugh—This sounds like one of those charming, down-home, southern phrases.  Every time y’all make me laugh, I’ll be wishin’ y’all stars, too, now, ya hear?!  A whole big dipper full!  Y’all!

the magic of making laugh—This sounds like a badly translated stand-up comedian how-to book originally written in Armenian.  Chapter 12:  You know coming of the success when persons be wishing you the stars.