I’ve been avoiding the WSTW installments, not for lack of worthy WSTW search terms, but for lack of worthy WSTW commentary. I’ve always felt like these things can’t be forced, but sitting around waiting for the inspiration to come isn’t working. So I’m forcing it. I’m forcing the heck out of it.
Let’s do this thing.
le sigh in french means what in english—le seriously?
define bare witness—Talk about your court room drama! Or trauma (depending on the witness—I can’t make that call without more evidence.) I can’t handle the naked truth!
on a fancy date but with empty wallet i—am a schmuck? went home alone? wonder if she’s going to call? Yes, undoubtedly, and don’t hold your breath.
valentines day wasn’t very good—Dude, try bringing some cash next time.
gang of sock monkeys strewn out on crack—Darn you, Columbians! Darn you to heck!
homeowners fail to refinance jesus—This is not an area of your life you want to cut corners on. You can’t bargain shop the Lord. See you in heck. Say hi to the Columbians.
make my artery in leg stop throbbing—I’m sorry. I wish I could help, but there’s nothing I can do. You must believe me when I say even my power has limits.
don’t trust snuggie—Have we learned nothing from the Visitors? Sure, they claim to come in peace in a spirit of interspecies goodwill and benevolence. “Let us cure your diseases, share our advanced technology, provide you with a means of comfort and warmth while allowing you to keep your hands free for a bounty of humanoid activities.” And then the next thing you know, “they’re conquering and subduing the planet, stealing all of the Earth’s water, and harvesting the human race as food, leaving only a few as slaves and cannon fodder for their wars with other alien races.” Conspiracy theorists never get their due respect until it’s too late.
facts about cow bell as an instrument—Fact #1: The cowbell is an instrument of awesomeness. Fact #2: See Fact #1.
birthday greetings to mommy from the wom(b)—I don’t know what disgusts me more, this or those people who give each other birthday cards from their cats.
i accidentally put a talisman in the was(her)—I recommend postponing all quests until you have that checked out. Nothing more reckless and/or irresponsible than embarking on a journey of unknown peril potential without a fully-functioning charm of magical protection. Trust me.
unicorn wearing flip flops—So much better than a unicorn wearing thongs. Trust me.
head and butt towel what so special—Dude, if you have to ask, ew. The sides are two different colors for a reason. A good reason. EW.
if you pick your nose can you do any dam—n good? age? Yes and yes. Use discretion, though, and care. It’s sometimes helpful to follow up with a nice, cleansing blow. But stay away from the brown side of the towel. Trust me.
wishing her stars for making me laugh—This sounds like one of those charming, down-home, southern phrases. Every time y’all make me laugh, I’ll be wishin’ y’all stars, too, now, ya hear?! A whole big dipper full! Y’all!
the magic of making laugh—This sounds like a badly translated stand-up comedian how-to book originally written in Armenian. Chapter 12: You know coming of the success when persons be wishing you the stars.