Sigh le fricking sigh. And also why??

19 Mar

Last night was Goose’s All-City Elementary School Choir Concert.  At the local high school gym.  That holds 20,000 people.  Who each drove separately. Or so it would seem.  Holy frick. 

Why must their be so many elementary schools? 

With choirs? 

Why must so many parents encourage their children to participate in their elementary school choirs? 

Why do you still have to park a mile away from the school when you arrive 30 minutes early?

Why are bleachers the most uncomfortable seating apparatus on the planet?

Why does the kid sitting behind me always have extra long legs and knobby knees and the total inability to sit still for more than 17 seconds at a time?

Why does the mayor have to spend 10 minutes droning on about our schools’ music programs and lecturing parents about spending more time with their kids?

Why do elementary school choirs always have to sing songs with titles like Music Matters, It’s All Good, A New Day, All Jazzed Up, You Are Our Heroes, Good Wishes to You, Clean Up Our World, Music Is Always There, Festival!, The Voice, Get Up?

Why are the choir numbers with choreography so much more entertaining than the ones without?

Why did only two of the choir numbers have choreography?

Why did it take over 20 minutes for the paramedics to arrive after the lady 15 feet down the bench from us started having seizures?

Why did the paramedics take a route that crossed the entire length and width of the gym and right past the choir that was performing at the time with the poor woman strapped to the gurney when there was an exit 20 feet from where she was sitting?

Why do elementary schools, where children are supposed to be learning things like how to read and write, insist on cutesy/punny spellings for their ORCA-stras?

Why was the highlight of my evening overhearing the woman sitting next to me tell her husband in a completely deadpan voice, “I’m in hell right now.”?

Actually, the highlight of the evening was seeing Goose perform with her choir.  Naturally, they were the best (choreography, people, choreography!), which explains why they went last and why I had to endure two hours of all the other stuff before there was a reason for me to even be there. 

Sigh le fricking sigh.

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16 Responses to “Sigh le fricking sigh. And also why??”

  1. Susan M March 19, 2010 at 2:36 pm #

    The torture parents go through! Just know this: You are awesome.

  2. boquinha March 19, 2010 at 2:39 pm #

    So you had a good time?

    “cutesy/punny spellings for their ORCA-stras?” That totally bugs me, too.

  3. madhousewife March 19, 2010 at 3:37 pm #

    All-City Elementary School Choir Concert sounds like a really, really super-bad idea. No one wants to see that. Correction: No one wants to see ALL of that.

  4. Mother of the Wild Boys March 19, 2010 at 5:24 pm #

    It’s posts like this that make me thank my lucky stars that our school district is way too under-funded to have programs like elementary choir. Sometimes less is more…or less is less (less time in all-city choir hell, that is!)

  5. Julie March 19, 2010 at 7:37 pm #

    Why are the choir numbers with choreography so much more entertaining than the ones without?
    * Because you get to see them all out of sync and all over the place like kids should be, that’s why!

    Why do elementary schools, where children are supposed to be learning things like how to read and write, insist on cutesy/punny spellings for their ORCA-stras?
    * Yes, why???????????!!!!!!!

    And now I am out of answers. *Sigh*

  6. E March 19, 2010 at 9:07 pm #

    I’ve instituted a new policy this year which has been serving me very well. Before every musical performance in a school gym (and there have been not a few) I ask Migilicutty when her group will be performing in the program. I drop her off at call time and then go home. Then we show up as far into the program as possible without missing her part. By that time there are always plenty of parking spaces and seats close to the front because all of the people whose kids performed first have already left. And since they didn’t stick around to see my kid perform I don’t feel even a little bit guilty about not showing up in time to see theirs. Cool, huh? Really, it’s THE BEST!!!

  7. Alison Wonderland March 20, 2010 at 8:51 am #

    Hell.

  8. bythelbs March 20, 2010 at 10:01 pm #

    Susan—Thanks. Ditto.

    Boquinha—Yeah, wasn’t that obvious?

    Mad—You ain’t lyin’.

    Mother—We could all use a little less.

    Julie—Goose’s choir’s choreography was actually pretty much in sync, and it didn’t even detract from the cuteness.

    E—You’re a genius.

    Alison—You can say that again.

  9. MaryAnn March 21, 2010 at 12:40 pm #

    LOL…”I am in hell right now…” classic!

  10. Amanda D March 22, 2010 at 12:50 pm #

    Maybe it’s not such a bad thing that all music was cut from the elementary schools here.

  11. Julie March 22, 2010 at 1:18 pm #

    Well, then, I have no answers. 🙂

  12. Patience March 22, 2010 at 7:21 pm #

    I can’t get over the fact that your high school gym holds 20,000 people, or were you using hyperbole? That’s more than half of the population of my entire city. And there was a medical emergency on top of it all? Did everybody sit in uncomfortable silence waiting for the paramedics or did the show go on?

  13. bythelbs March 22, 2010 at 8:50 pm #

    MaryAnn—Totally.

    Amanda—Now I feel bad, like I should be grateful we have music programs.

    Julie—The other choir with choreography was not so much in sync and it was still cute.

    Patience—I was using hyperbole, which is, of course, totally out of character, so I can see why you might ask. And the show went on. There was no uncomfortable silence, just uncomfortable listening to the poor school who had 12 kids in their choir trying to perform while the paramedics walked right past them.

  14. merkin4 March 23, 2010 at 11:33 am #

    I have to admit I’ve considered faking a seizure just so somebody would haul me out. Problem is, the kid would start laughing and yell, “Thrash more, Daddy! Kick those legs! Foam foam foam FOAM!”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Stuff « By the lbs - March 16, 2011

    […] parent-teacher conferences that I had scheduled in the evening specifically so he could go and that damn All-City Elementary School Choir Concert.  He owes me.  Big.  On the bright side(?), Goose’s choir selections will include […]

  2. While I was out « By the lbs - April 28, 2011

    […] to say it was just as painful as ever.  The Safety Dance was definitely the highlight, though the Orca-stra’s number this year was certainly memorable as well.  Eight or so beginning violinists and just about […]

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