Spawn of Bythelbs

6 Oct

This one was a while ago.

DynaGirl: Do old people take baths or showers?

Me: I don’t know.  What made you think of that?

DG: I don’t know.

Me: It probably depends on how well they can stand.

DG: What if they had to use their walkers in the shower? Maybe some do…wrapped in plastic.

For some reason, whenever I read that last line, I always hear Jack Nicholson’s voice, “Wrapped in plaaastic.”


Watching Tears for Fears’ Mad World video.

Me: Check out his hair.

Mr. T: He’s got, like, an ushanka on his head.

Me: What’s an ushanka?

Mr. T: A Russian hat.  Come on, Mom, learn your hats!

Me: Where did you learn that?

Mr. T: I don’t know.  I think it was on Dora or something.

Obviously, I’m not watching enough Dora.


Mr. T makes an important announcement.

Mr. T: OK, everyone, Goose is no longer a (part of the family*).  She’s watching Jonas.

Not Jonas!  Oh, where did we go wrong??

*originally he used our last name.


Family togetherness.

DynaGirl: The tops of your feet are soft.

Mr. T: Stop feeling me, freak!

I can’t fault him there.


Mr. T makes a life-changing discovery.

Mr. T: Did you know giraffes don’t have vocal chords?  So all these years I’ve been trying to figure out what sound a giraffe makes, and it doesn’t make any sound.  If they had one of those wheel things of the African savanna, giraffes wouldn’t be on there.

All these years.


Random conversation with the girls.

Me: Can you imagine Mr. T breakdancing?

I break out my best breakdancing moves.

Goose: You suck.

Me: What?!

Goose: At dancing!

Me: Like that makes it better?

Goose: I didn’t say you suck.

Me: Yes, you did.

DynaGirl: But not, like, ultimately at everything.  Just dancing.  Yeah, so it’s almost a compliment.  Turns to Goose.  I got your back. They knucklebump.

Yeah, almost.


Bythelbs makes a special request.

Me: Can you stop being weird?

Mr. T: You spawned your children, you get the consequences.

Yeah, sometimes “spawned” seems an appropriate term.


12 Responses to “Spawn of Bythelbs”

  1. Susan M October 6, 2010 at 11:23 am #

    My grandparents took baths. Don’t ask me how I know this.

  2. Boquinha October 6, 2010 at 11:33 am #

    Love the “wheel thing” observation. Does that toy have a name?

  3. shazbraz October 6, 2010 at 11:35 am #

    So many awesome observations. I bet you’re awesome at dancing. 😉

  4. Alison Wonderland October 6, 2010 at 12:07 pm #

    “C’mon mom, learn your hats.” Because really, only idiots don’t know the names of all the hats.

    “You spawned your children, you get the consequences.” I’m gonna learn to needle point so that I can needle point that on something. (Maybe my forehead.)

  5. foo4luv October 6, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

    Turns to Goose. “I got your back.” They knucklebump.

    Still laughing. Yeah, the “spawned” quote deserves either the needlepoint sampler or the vinyl lettering treatment.

  6. Mother of the Wild Boys October 6, 2010 at 2:19 pm #

    LOL 😀

  7. tawnya October 6, 2010 at 3:20 pm #

    Too. Many. Comments!

  8. Julie October 6, 2010 at 5:47 pm #

    How did you get such cool kids? Oh, yes, you spawned them. Cool is as cool spawns….

  9. madhousewife October 7, 2010 at 9:27 am #

    Your kids are so awesome. “Come on, Mom, learn your hats!”

    I don’t know what Jonas is.

    I think when you hear “wrapped in plastic,” you are remembering that cat from Twin Peaks saying, “She’s dead. Wrapped in plaaastic.” But Jack Nicholson’s voice works for that. Incidentally, you don’t know how many times I say the line “she’s dead, wrapped in plastic” and nobody knows what the freak I’m talking about. Not that I can blame them.

  10. bythelbs October 7, 2010 at 9:52 am #


    Boquinha—What are they? See’n’Say or something?

    Shaz—Oh, you would bet right! SO awesome.

    Alison—Now I know what to give you for Christmas.

    Foo—It’s always nice to see them sticking together. Even when it’s against me.


    Tawnya—Yeah, there’s never a shortage of things to comment on at my house.

    Julie—Maybe that will be MY needlepoint project: “I spawn coolness.”

    Mad—That’s it! It was totally Twin Peaks! Thank you for solving that mystery for me!

  11. Flip flop mama October 7, 2010 at 11:46 am #

    What a lovely family you have spawned. And that is a compliment! 🙂


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