Archive | January, 2011

Mondays. Harumph.

31 Jan

I am mirthless today—completely devoid of mirth.  Do you have any to spare?

Awesome with an E!

27 Jan

I took DynaGirl to see Anne of Green Gables a New Musical last night.  It was one of the sweetest, most adorable, most delightful things I have ever had the pleasure and privilege of experiencing.  It made me so happy, I wanted to cry.  Tears of joy, my bosom friends!  Tears of joy!  Words cannot adequately express the depth of my raptures over this extraordinary piece of musical theater—so much better than I could ever have imagined.  I absolutely adored it!  If you ever have the opportunity to see it, I obviously most heartily recommend it. 

And if you have somehow managed to go through life thus far without partaking of the glorious work of literary wonder that is Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery, you must rectify that most grievous oversight immediately.

Must there always be a title?

25 Jan

*My phone line is acting up again, which is making me a little nervous.

*There’s nothing like a freshly laundered pair of jeans to put that five holiday pounds into perspective.  Last week I spent a good five minutes wrestling myself into said pair, resulting in one of the most spectacular displays of muffin-toppery I have ever had the displeasure of participating in.

*Also yesterday, I ate an entire loaf of sourdough bread.  I’m not fudging on the details here, people—an entire loaf, which I’m sure has nothing whatsoever to do with that other thing I was just talking about.

*During the course of a recent conversation, I asked Mr. T if he could think of anyone he’d rather have as his mom.
Mr. T: Ellen.
Me: Ellen?
Mr. T: Degeneres. Ellen Degeneres and Will Smith. Those are my dream parents.

*I got my hair done yesterday, which is always a treat.  As I was making out the check, I realized that the amount I spend annually on my hair maintenance could rescue several helpless animals from cruelty and neglect.  I’m using that as my justification for not bumping up my quarterly hair appointments to the bi-monthly appointments I really should be scheduling for proper color maintenance.  The extra expense on such luxuries would be like a slap in some poor puppy’s face.  Even my heartlessness knows limits.

*There was something else, but it has escaped me.  Happy Tuesday.

Thought on Thursday

20 Jan

The problem with low calorie snack food options is that when you eat multiple servings, they cease to be low calorie snack food options.  That just seems wrong to me somehow.

What seems wrong to you?

Christmas miracles

17 Jan

Yes, I know it’s already MLK Jr. Day, but I have a few things I was planning to report, and if I don’t report the things I was planning to, who knows the next time I’ll have anything report-worthy to report, planned or not.

1.  I received in my Christmas stocking a receipt for a photography class—one of those one-night workshoppy things through the parks & rec, but still.  Pretty awesome.

2.  Chuck cleaned the bathroom.  On Christmas Day, people.  Counters, sinks, toilet, shower, floors—everything.  I should make more wishes on the blog.

3.  I only had one pre-Christmas meltdown/tantrum.  Just one.  I’ve conveniently forgotten what it was about.

4.  We did not exceed the limits of our trash/recycle bins with our Christmas-induced consumerism/frivolity.  I believe that is a first.  At least in many years.

5.  I only gained 5 lbs with my Christmas induced gluttony.  Now that’s a miracle.


Some less than miraculous events to keep it real on Christmas.

1.  My attempts to preserve our Christmas memories resulted in this:


and this:


and this:

and this:


(a strong candidate for next year’s Christmas cards)

2.  In my excitement over yuletide bathing in complete cleanliness, I managed to twist the hose of our detachable shower head thingy to such a degree that when I placed in back in its holder it immediately spun 135 degrees, dousing the newly cleaned mirror, counter and floor and blowing out three vanity bulbs.  Woops.

3.  It was a pretty impressive pre-Christmas meltdown/tantrum.  Still don’t remember what it was about, but I’m sure it was completely, ahem,  justified.

4.  Although our trashcans did not overfloweth, we still have gifts that remained untouched.  I’m hoping someday I’ll find just the right balance.

5.  Three weeks later, I still have that 5 lbs, so I’m thinking this is less of the gain 5 lbs in a day-lose in one or two days variety, and more of the gain 5 lbs in a day-keep for weeks, months or forever variety.  Ah well. 

Do you have anything report-worthy to report on Christmas and/or MLK Jr. Day?

The New Shopping Adventures of Old Bythelbs

11 Jan

So every time I go to the grocery store now, I do my best to avoid that guy. I think we’ve established I do not particularly enjoy his small talk. But ultimately, my prime directive when grocery shopping is to get the heck out of there ASAP, so if his is the shortest line, I’ll suck it up.

Shopping with BigHugs. She’s helping me unload the cart.

That Guy (formerly known as YMC–Young Male Checker), gesturing towards BigHugs as she’s helping me:  At least they’re good for something, huh?

Me:  Uh, yeah.

TG:  Plus you gotta have someone to take care of you in your old age.



Grocery shopping with Chuck on a Saturday night.

Chuck:  That line looks the shortest.

Me:  Man, not that guy.  I hate that guy.  He called me old.  Twice.

Let him call me old with Chuck there!

TG:  So, any big plans for the weekend?

Me:  Just grocery shopping.

TG:  Wow.  So I’m like the highlight of your weekend.

Me, in a total deadpan voice:  Uh, yeah.  The highlight.

So now I’m old and pathetic.  I hate that guy.


Yesterday on my way into the Target, I passed a panhandler (no, I did not hit on him—this time) with a sign that read, “Need $$$ for dog food”.  He had a dog sitting next to him—a very healthy, well-groomed looking kind of dog.  I gave half-a-second’s thought to purchasing a can of dog food to give to him on my way out, but then decided against it.  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one not feeling particularly generous to dogs that day because on the way out I noticed the panhandler had changed his strategy and was now holding a sign that read, “Spare money 4 pot!”  Do you suppose that was for him or the dog?

The babies Jesus

6 Jan

I know Christmas is over, but I think I told Julie I’d show you my baby Jesuses that I worked so hard on.

First, a little background.  Thirty some odd years ago, my aunt made our family a bean bag nativity set.  What is a bean bag nativity set, you ask?  Well, this is a bean bag nativity set:

It’s the perfect nativity set for kids because you can actually touch it without mom freaking out.  Not only you can touch it, but you can play with it, and even act out the whole nativity story if you’d like.  With a closer look, you can see it has been well loved.

Hay and hair refuse to be tamed (though I’m not sure I remember the hair ever looking much different than this), Mary’s missing a hand (I’m hoping that has nothing to do with the nativity bowling incident of 1996), the camel can no longer stand unaided—you get the picture.  But this nativity set is responsible for some of my most treasured childhood Christmas memories, and I wanted to pass that on to my children.  So about a decade ago, my oldest sister and I made new nativity sets.

We mostly stuck to the original pattern my mom had acquired from my aunt all those years ago, only making a few minor adjustments.  The color palette is a little less 70s and we gave Joseph a sash and Mary a shawl, but otherwise we tried to maintain its original charm (including rastafarian-head Joseph–his locks were legend in our family).  It took hours and hours to complete.  My sister did all of the machine work since a decade a go I was even more clueless about the ways of a sewing machine than I am now (if you can believe it), and I helped out with the hand work.  Our original plan was to make a set for each of our other siblings, but after completing our sets, we decided to take a break for the rest of that Christmas season, and well, that was a decade ago.

This year when my kids set up the nativities, I decided my two other sisters must have their own bean bag nativities.  I really had the best of intentions, but keeping in mind my previous sewing experiences and that I made this decision just two weeks before Christmas, I’m sure you won’t be too surprised to learn that this is as far as I got (times two):

It took hours and hours to complete.  And hours.  I included a note with my sisters’ packages that I expected to be done with the rest of the sets in time for their grandchildren to enjoy them.  Maybe.  But at least they have the essential pieces, and aren’t they just the sweetest things you’ve ever seen?

If I do say so myself.