Must there always be a title?

25 Jan

*My phone line is acting up again, which is making me a little nervous.

*There’s nothing like a freshly laundered pair of jeans to put that five holiday pounds into perspective.  Last week I spent a good five minutes wrestling myself into said pair, resulting in one of the most spectacular displays of muffin-toppery I have ever had the displeasure of participating in.

*Also yesterday, I ate an entire loaf of sourdough bread.  I’m not fudging on the details here, people—an entire loaf, which I’m sure has nothing whatsoever to do with that other thing I was just talking about.

*During the course of a recent conversation, I asked Mr. T if he could think of anyone he’d rather have as his mom.
Mr. T: Ellen.
Me: Ellen?
Mr. T: Degeneres. Ellen Degeneres and Will Smith. Those are my dream parents.

*I got my hair done yesterday, which is always a treat.  As I was making out the check, I realized that the amount I spend annually on my hair maintenance could rescue several helpless animals from cruelty and neglect.  I’m using that as my justification for not bumping up my quarterly hair appointments to the bi-monthly appointments I really should be scheduling for proper color maintenance.  The extra expense on such luxuries would be like a slap in some poor puppy’s face.  Even my heartlessness knows limits.

*There was something else, but it has escaped me.  Happy Tuesday.


10 Responses to “Must there always be a title?”

  1. madhousewife January 25, 2011 at 11:30 am #

    “Bythelbs, Puppy Slapper.”

    An entire loaf, eh? That is impressive. And tasty-sounding.

  2. Julie January 25, 2011 at 11:53 am #

    Mmmmmmm…..sourdough. I am jealous over here. Real jealous. May I have some clam chowder with it too, please?

  3. cheryl January 25, 2011 at 12:07 pm #

    Will Smith and Ellen are my dream parents, too!

    Freshly laundered jeans are a cruel, cruel thing. And not just because of the muffin top –but because it means I had to wash them. Have I ever mentioned my hatred of laundry? No? 😉

  4. Flip flop mama January 25, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

    Ellen is pretty darn hilarious…but not as hilarious as you. Mr. T would be missing out.

    That’s a lot of bread.

  5. shazbraz January 25, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

    I know Ellen would never slap a puppy. You’re on your way!

  6. evitafjord January 25, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    Last week, I got a phone call on my house phone that had my own number on it. No one was there when my daughter answered it. Moments later, a phone call that had my name and cell phone number on the caller ID. I didn’t answer it because I had my cell phone in my other hand. The message was this freaky garbled mess, something about dad calling. So I called my father-in-law (but not my dad because he doesn’t call during the day because he’s at work) but it wasn’t him. So, I got on the Gmail chat with my husband at work and it turns out – THERE’S a FREAKING APP for that. You can put in whatever phone number you want the caller id to show and it also has different voice distortions. My husband thought he was hilarious – until the app messed up his phone. Hahahahaha. Sweet justice.

  7. Boquinha January 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm #

    Will Smith?? Ellen’s cool, but Will Smith?? No Chuck Norris? Have you seen the SNL parodies of Will Smith? Pretty funny stuff.

  8. Kamilli Vanilli January 25, 2011 at 4:37 pm #

    Muffin toppery? Love it.
    I, too, take great displeasure in such displays. Mine…and other people’s.

  9. Alison Wonderland January 25, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    The question is, were you going to give the difference to the puppies?

  10. bythelbs January 25, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

    Mad—No, “Bythelbs, Non-puppy Slapper”, right??

    Julie—You can have all the clam chowder you want, and I’ll watch you eat it.

    Cheryl—I agree with the laundry on both counts.

    Flip—Maybe I just need to work on my dancing skillz.


    Evita—Ha Ha Ha! Sweet justice indeed!

    Boquinha—I know, right? There’s been a conspicuous absence of Mr. Norris talk lately.

    Kamilli—Well, I’ve never seen such displays from you. And I’d much rather be a spectator than a participant.

    Alison—I was afraid someone was going to bring that up. Should have known it would be you. Shhhhh.

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