Day 1

16 Feb

I’ve made dental appointments.  It’s been over a year.  I know, I know.  I honestly don’t know how these things happen.  That’s a lie.  I do know.  Last year we went on a Saturday because that’s the only day they could get all  my kids in at once without me having to pull them all out of school.  I like to schedule them all at once because the dentist is a good 25-30 minutes away and in traffic it’s even worse and who wants to make five special trips to the dentist?  Not me.  So we went on a Saturday, and on Saturdays there is no reception staff.  No reception staff means no scheduling of the next appointment immediately after the just finished appointment.  And no scheduling of the next appointment immediately after the just finished appointment means no scheduled appointment at all until you notice that one of your children’s teeth are literally turning brown and if you wait much longer people will start to accuse you of neglect and not caring about your children’s oral wellness.  (Anyone else just not like the word “oral”?)

So I scheduled the appointments, and I’m first.  March 17.  Happy St. Patrick’s Day to me!  And I decided, as I do, that I would spend the next month flossing the living crap out of my teeth so as to keep up appearances.  Or put on appearances.  Or something.  Did you know that when you don’t regularly floss, that the first time out you’re likely to need a boxer’s bloody spit bucket?  Good frick.  I mean I brush regularly and I floss O-ccasionally, but man.  Oh, and to add insult to injury, as I was flossing I noticed the upper arm jiggle.  Now you might think I must have been flossing with undue vigor to have produced such a scene of unholy arm motion, but let me assure you, my friends, I can count on my big toes the number of activities I perform vigorously, and flossing is not one of them.  So if the most delicate of movements results in the violent to and fro tossing of my once upon a time tight and tidy upper arms, I can only conclude that next flossing session must be done under cover of bulky sweater or some such.  I bet you thought I was going to say that I can only conclude that I must cease and desist the flossing altogether, but I am committed this time.  Committed!  One day down, 29 to go.


10 Responses to “Day 1”

  1. Julie February 16, 2011 at 12:50 pm #

    I don’t know if this is reassuring or disgusting, but I’m married to a dentist and I still only floss for the two days before my dental appointments. It’s all for appearances.

    And arms…gads. I don’t think I’ll ever have tight and tidy upper arms. Ever.

  2. Flip flop mama February 16, 2011 at 12:55 pm #

    I hate flossing too. I try to start but the pain inflicted for hours after is not something I want to have again. I know that the more you floss the less it hurts, but don’t tell me that on the day I floss. I won’t believe you. In other dental news I need to go too. It’s been way over a year for me, but I think I need a root canal. Yuck.

  3. Boquinha February 16, 2011 at 1:04 pm #

    I love your blog posts. You have a knack for making me laugh out loud. I am never disappointed. I smiled and chuckled several times throughout, but my favorite part?

    (Anyone else just not like the word “oral”?)

  4. madhousewife February 16, 2011 at 1:19 pm #

    “Flossing with undue vigor,” FTW.

    You are hilarious. That reminds me, I need to start flossing with some relative vigor myself before I get my braces on tomorrow. After that I will be water-picking with vigor because I’ve seen them demonstrate how to floss when you have braces and…I hardly think so. No.

  5. tawnya February 16, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

    I’m very much looking forward to your dental playlist…which is not the only thing I ever think of when I go to the dentist…

  6. cheryl February 16, 2011 at 4:39 pm #

    I don’t floss, either. Like…ever. And I should! I know I should, the dentist knows I should, the lady talking to me on the other side of the ticket-talky thingies knows I should, but I just forget. Blah.

    The upper arm jiggle is the bane of my existence. Well, one of the banes.

  7. Alison Wonderland February 17, 2011 at 9:02 am #

    We went last week after more than a year but I had to leave before everyone was done so I didn’t get a chance to schedule follow up visits (which probably wouldn’t have been necessary if it hadn’t been an entire year + since we’d been) and who knows if I’ll ever get around to doing that? Bah! In other news, I do floss regularly, every night.

  8. Lora February 17, 2011 at 1:34 pm #

    Amen to all of it! I just got done with a dentist appt after 2 years of neglect. I’m happy to say that I have no cavities, but I hear you completey on the bloody spit bucket…. and the jiggly arms. sigh.

  9. Patience February 19, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

    That’s so funny! I do the same pre-dental panic flossing. Then, after the appointment, I do self-righteous I’ve-just-been-to-the-dentist flossing, but that only lasts about a week.


  1. Flossing goddess « By the lbs - March 2, 2011

    […] Day 1:  Make dental appointment and resolve to floss every day until D-day: March 17. Buckets o’ blood.  Resolve weakened. […]

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