Archive | May, 2011

Madhousewife: 40 and fabulous!

17 May

Dear Mad,

In the Scrabble game of life, you are the 224- point BINGO!

I used every last tile, most of which for their intended purpose even!

Happy birthday!



And here’s even more birthday love from some of your favorite bloggy friends:

~From Boquinha~

I keep a document list of bookmarked posts that I really like. I may not be the best at keeping up on all blogs all the time, but when I find a gem, I want to bookmark it.

In my top 3, I have a post each from Madhousewife and one from Bythelbs (and one from someone else). One of my favorite posts is this one:

I love that post. One of the funniest ones I’ve ever read. And astute. I knew that for a little girl to be that cool, she’d likely have a pretty cool mother. And I was right.

Also, speaking of feminism . . . years ago, when I followed posts on a certain popular site much more closely than I do now, whether she realizes it or not, Mad has often impressed me with many a comment. I’ve always been impressed with her wit, forthrightness, and insight. And her bravery in speaking up. It was inspiring. So, I want to say thanks for that. It was one of about a bazillion little things that all contributed to helping me through a pretty spiritually/emotionally grueling time. I don’t think she even knew. But, thank you just the same.

I can’t remember how I eventually made the connection between madhousewife and bythelbs, but somewhere along the lines, I figured out (or someone told me–my memory stinks) that they’re sisters. I think they’re super, super lucky to be sisters. And, having no sisters of my own, I try not to envy them. 😉

Happy Birthday, Mad. I hope it’s grand!

~From Evita~

Safe Sex
Sex Education
Political Cartoon
Dating and Lameness
Free Childcare that is Not Necessarily Childcare
Breast Cancer Awareness
Common Sense
Traffic Control
Czar of the Obama Administration.
Happy birthday Mad!  Hope your day is full of AWESOME!

Madhousewife is a spectacular lady. There are many reasons why. I shall make you a list, because that is what I do! I make lists:

1. She has mastered the written word. I honestly cannot read her blog posts without sympathizing with her emotions, laughing out loud at her intelligent sarcasm, or thinking deeper about issues I didn’t even realize were issues. She is the master of prose! The Master. 
2. Madhousewife, in person, is one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. It’s her deadpan delivery that leaves me in stitches. 
3. She faces her crap head-on. Sometimes, she claims she doesn’t, but she takes care of her family and the house while facing mental demons I cannot claim to understand. Although I do a little bit. This, I have decided, is strength. She has loads of it. Which might be why she has such strong legs! Or maybe that’s just the tap dancing…
4. Her knowledge of 80’s and 90’s pop cultures is full of awesomeness. 
5. She looks suh-weet in a kimono! And fishnet gloves. 
6. She quite often makes my whole day just from her witty quips on Facebook. That’s it! She’s the queen of quips. 🙂
Happy Birthday, madhousewife! Here’s to at least 40 more years and 40,000 more blog posts. Knowing you and reading your words has improved my life in ways that even YOU don’t know. *snort 
Love to you,

~From Foo4luv~

OK, so I’m not any kind of creative but I do want to contribute. I think Madhousewife is real, funny and insightful and my life is better because of her. Happy birthday!

Flip Flop Mama

Dear Mad, for your 40th Birthday I have put together a list of bumper stickers I thought you would enjoy:

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

Vote Republican – it’s easier than thinking!

Vote Democrat – it’s easier than working!

Without ME, it’s just AWESO.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

Procrastinate now.

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.

Happy, happy birthday Mad. I hope your cleaning lady isn’t coming today.


~From Julie~

Happy Birthday to Madhousewife!

I love her blog — one of my favorite lines from recent memory was her inscription on her gravestone: At least she was self-aware. It resonates with me in many ways and also just cracks me up.

That actually sums up how I feel about Mad in general.

Happy Birthday!

There once was a housewife named Mad
Who thought that John Edwards was Bad
Sugar Daddy’s her man
She is not a Fun fan
Timely housekeepers make her glad.

Happy Birthday, Mad Housewife. From the advanced age of 42, I can tell you that being 40 is pretty cool.
~Patience Crabstick

~From E~

I’m not sure how many years I’ve been reading Mad’s blog. I could probably figure it out though because I remember the first post of hers that I read. My sister Alison Wonderland had recommended that one of my other sisters read it because it was about Mad’s potty training woes. There was something about how even when the police called to say they had PZ in custody as long as she wasn’t wearing diapers Mad wouldn’t be longing for the “good old days.” Melanie’s children have serious bladder issues and we all know misery loves company, so Alison thought she would enjoy it. It’s funny that Alison never said anything about Mad’s autistic children. Probably because everyone knows that I like to pretend I don’t have an autistic child. So I had been reading for quite a while before I even knew how much we had in common. I just knew that I loved her voice. And when I finally read a post about Elvis not being willing to go to the bathroom at McDonald’s without an audience, I knew that there was someone in the world who could relate to my life. (Cause those annoying people from the autism websites are NOT my people.) Mad has the unique ability to be completely open and honest and yet totally hilarious at the same time. No one does it better. I laugh and I cry. And that’s why I have been reading her blog for so many years. Happy 40th Madhousewife!
~From Susan~
~From SD (Mad’s better other half)
Happy 40th birthday to my favorite cradle-robbing cougar.
Happy birthday, Mad!  May all of your wildest dreams come true (as if they haven’t already!)

Oh, Mr. T

16 May

Driving home from school.

Mr. T, laughing: Did you see that dog hanging out the window?

Me: No, I missed it.

Mr. T: I want to have a dog and train it to stick its head out the window and be my turn signal.

Me: Like doing the arm signals?

Mr. T: Yes!  That would be so awesome!

That would be pretty awesome.


Random moment.

Mr. T to DynaGirl: Ever wish you were a noodle?

Blank look from DynaGirl.

Mr. T: So it’s just me?

Yeah, pretty sure it’s just you.


Primping for school.

Mr. T: I feel like my head’s like a balloon.  If I squash down the sides, the top goes up.  If I squash down the top, the sides go out.

I feel like that about my entire body.


At the dinner table.

Mr. T: Awww, my green beans are cold…like my soul.

DynaGirl, deadpan between bites: You can say that again.

It’s funny ’cause it’s true.


After messing with mom.

Mr. T: When I’m on my death bed, I’m going to write a book about all the ways to mess with people’s minds and then pass it on to my grandchildren or something.

See, I told you.


Watching Pride and Prejudice—the part where Elizabeth storms upstairs after Lady C’s visit.

Goose: Why is she so upset?

Me: Because that lady told her she wasn’t good enough to marry her nephew.

Goose: Aren’t they engaged though?

Me: Well, he asked her before, but she thought he was a jerk so she said no, and now she knows he isn’t a jerk, but she doesn’t know if he still wants to marry her.

Mr. T: I had an experience like that once.

Oh, Mr. T.

Day and night with Goose

13 May

Trying to drag her out of bed in the morning.

Goose, whining: The only reason I like to get up in the morning is to eat.

I’m with her.


Goodnight conversations.

Goose: Would you rather be stinky with good breath or smell good with bad breath?

Me: I think I’d rather smell good with bad breath ’cause you can always keep your mouth closed.

Goose: Yeah, me too.

What about you?

BigHugs strikes again

12 May

Mother-daughter time.

BigHugs:  I love you.  I love you more than anyone in the world.  I love you a thousand in my heart.

*Heart melting*


Sharing a donut.

Me: Do you want any more?

BigHugs: No, my tummy’s full from that granola bar I just had.

Me: I had a granola bar, too.

BigHugs: And you can still eat more donut?

Me: Yeah, I’m a little piggy. *snort*

BigHugs: Yeah, you’re like an animal!

But she loves me a thousand in her heart!


Looking for the My Little Pony moms to go with the My Little Pony babies.

DynaGirl: Do these ones even have moms?

BigHugs: Yeah, everyone has moms.  Except for hobos!

DynaGirl: Hobos have moms.

BigHugs: No they don’t!

I think she figures they must not have moms since no one is taking care of them.


On our way home from the library, a car cuts in front of us in an intersection.

DynaGirl: Woah!  I’m so glad we didn’t crash!

BigHugs: Yeah, ’cause then we’d all be dead.  And then we wouldn’t be able to read our library books.  That’s a reason why it’s good to not crash.

As good as any, I guess.


Overheard mid-conversation between BigHugs and her doll.

BigHugs: When you’re a grown-up you don’t play on the computer.  You have to do important stuff like check your e-mail or play Scrabble.

Doll: Oh, I don’t like Scrabble.

BigHugs: See, wouldn’t you like to be a kid still?

Yes, very important grown-up stuff.


Random moment.

BigHugs: I can’t feel my nostrils.

Hey, I can’t feel mine either.


Getting ready for church, I pull out a hand-me-down denim jumper.

Me: Would you like to wear this today?

BigHugs, giggling: Yes! That’s so cute—it’s like a lederhosen dress!

Me: laughing

Later that day…

BigHugs: Remember when I said that thing about the lederhosen dress?

Me: Yes.

BigHugs: That was funny.

Me: Yes, it was funny.

BigHugs: You should write that down.

Good idea.

DynaGirl’s doodles

11 May

I have a hard time throwing away any of DynaGirl’s school papers because there are always hidden treasures on the back:

The other day I rescued one she’d been using for a bookmark from a library book right before we were going to return it. DynaGirl thought it would be funny to leave it for the next person who checked out the book, but I didn’t want to part with it. I think she’s decided that might be her new thing, though—a DynaGirl calling card in random library books.  Wouldn’t that just make your day?

We so excited

6 May

Because, you know, it’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday.  Everybody’s looking forward to the weekend.

TGIF.  I had such high hopes for this week, but then Monday was a disaster, so I just gave up.

On Monday I had an accident, and unfortunately not the kind that has the school secretary calling your mom to have her bring you a change of clothes.  Now before you get too concerned, no one was injured, except for my pride and some random lady’s fender and quite possibly my bank account.  I hit a parked car, people.  A parked car.  It happened in the parking lot of BigHugs’s dance class, not that you can really call it a parking lot.  There’s really just an alley with a few narrow parking spots up against the building, and then everyone else parks along the fence directly behind the regular parking spots.  My minivan was in a regular parking spot parked next to a large SUV.  As I was backing out, keeping my eyes on  another large SUV and another minivan parked along the fence, I suddenly struck something.  I was confused at first, wondering how my bumper could possibly be stretching all the way to that other minivan when I realized there was a third car sitting inbetween the minivan and SUV like Wonder Woman’s invisible jet.  Luckily there was no one in it, though I suppose had there been someone inside, I might have noticed it was there, like Wonder Woman’s invisible jet.

I got out of my car hoping that by some miracle the cars had magically bounced off each other damage-free, but it was not to be.  There was a noticeable dent on the front fender near the driver’s side door.  Of course my car only had a scratch on the bumper.  Sigh.  This had never happened to me before.  It was really quite distressing.

I went back inside and asked at the front desk if they knew who owned the car.  At first they just suggested I leave my information with them, but I didn’t feel good about doing that when I could talk to the owner right then.  She was very nice about it, at first telling me not to worry about it, she had done the same thing twice before in her church parking lot.  Well, that was reassuring.  But I told her the damage was noticeable and she should take a look.  She was still very nice about it, but took my information and said she’d get back to me after she had it looked at. 

I was so flustered I forgot to get her  name or any of her information, so I’m still waiting to hear back from her.  Of course, I’ll be running into her again next Monday anyway since her daughter takes dance from the same studio as BigHugs.  I mean, seeing her.  I’ll be seeing her again next Monday.

When I told Chuck, who is still in Italy, he said not to worry about it, that it was no big deal and that in 20+ years of driving I was entitled to one minor accident (aside from that whole freezer business in my parents’ garage).  Still.  Sigh.  Darn those moving vehicles.  And, uh, non-moving vehicles.  Darn them to heck.

P.S.  Remember, tomorrow is Saturday.  And Sunday comes after…wards.

Sometimes you have to things like this in the world, so that you can have this or this.