What’s it take for a girl to get her charity on in this town?

9 Jun

So on my way to the store today I saw a dude with a “Homeless and Hungry” sign on the corner at my stoplight.  Call me cynical, but I’m always a little wary of just handing over my cash, so I rolled down my window and offered him a bottle of water and an unopened box of crackers.  He took the water but passed on the crackers, saying, “No on the crackers.  I get a lot of crackers.”  Really?  A LOT of crackers?  His sign should really say, “Homeless and sort of Hungry” or “Homeless and Hungry but not desperate enough for your stupid crackers.”

Perhaps if I had winked at him or something he would have been more receptive to my crackery charms.


11 Responses to “What’s it take for a girl to get her charity on in this town?”

  1. Julie June 9, 2011 at 1:17 pm #

    What’s that saying, “Beggars can’t be choosers?”

  2. Susan M June 9, 2011 at 1:29 pm #

    I stumbled on a web forum that has a bunch of posts by an older dude who used to ride the rails a lot back in the 70s–he was a homeless tramp. The stories he has are just crazy. They’ve made me look at homeless people in a little different light.

    Like he mentioned one bum he knew who carried about $700 on him at all times. He also posted a little rhyme about where homeless people keep their money–and it made me want to never touch any money ever again.

  3. MaryAnn June 9, 2011 at 1:34 pm #

    Well, what kind of crackers were they? I mean, if they were saltines, or those crazy crackers with the chicken flavored powder on them, could you really blame the guy? Totally kidding of course – you have a much kinder, less synical heart than me – I say huck the crackers (no matter how sorry they may be) at his head next time. (Be sure you aren’t stopped at the light after though – that could be AWKWARD!!!!

  4. bythelbs June 9, 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    Julie—That’s pretty much what I was thinking.

    Susan—Now I don’t want to touch any money ever again.

    MaryAnn—OK, so they were triscuits, but those thin crisp triangle ones not the super thick shredded wheat bricks, but whatever. Even if you had a fear of triscuits I think you could choke them down if you were HUNGRY. Plus, I’d given him the bottle of water to wash them down!

    My sister-in-law once tried to give a homeless guy a granola bar. He hucked it back at her as she was driving away in her convertible.

  5. Flip flop mama June 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm #

    Sounds like he wasn’t *too* hungry.

  6. Flip flop mama June 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm #

    Oh and props for attempting to give him something! I don’t usually do that either.

    • bythelbs June 9, 2011 at 7:43 pm #

      Yeah, I usually don’t either. I’m definitely sticking with my food/water thing as opposed to money, though. It makes me feel like less of a chump.

  7. merkin4 June 13, 2011 at 8:30 am #

    I used to work in a pizza place back in college. One evening, we had a family – guy, wife, three kids – standing on the corner in front with a “Will Work For Food God Bless” sign. The manager went out and told the the guy that if they would come inside and fold enough pizza boxes to restock the shelves (about ten minutes work of work for one person), he’d feed the whole family. The beggar told the manager that it didn’t sound like a good deal, that they were getting ready to go on vacation in the morning, and that he should put his pizza boxes somewhere that they wouldn’t actually fit.

    In Baltimore, we’d often see bums hanging around little neighborhood “package goods” stores – where you’d see cheap candy in most regular stores, they had airline mini-bottles of booze running about $2 each. One day a guy approached me in front of one of those stores, and told me he needed bus money to get to the VA hospital – he needed to get his hand stitched up. He showed me a cut on the back of his hand, at least three days old, and he gave the cut a hard pinch to force a drop of blood out. I asked how much he already had. He held out his hand and showed me about 70 cents. I grabbed his money, handed him a bus token, and told him the Number 7 bus would be by in about ten minutes, and that would take him to the VA hospital.

    I’ve never seen such a sad beggar. Strange thing was, I gave him exactly what he’d asked for.

    • bythelbs June 13, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

      I would fold pizza boxes for a free pizza!


  8. Boquinha June 14, 2011 at 4:14 pm #

    Bwahahahaha. Nothing witty to say. Just want to say that your post made me laugh out loud.

  9. madhousewife July 18, 2011 at 4:35 pm #

    He should probably hold up a sign specifying what sort of food he’s hungry for.

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