Her name was Pamela with a T

29 Sep

I remembered late last night that I had a dentist appointment this morning, which meant I had less than 12 hours to pretend to be a regular flosser.  Obviously, that’s not near enough time.  Actually, six months isn’t near enough time for me to pretend to be a regular flosser, so it really didn’t make much difference.

I had a new hygienist today who wasn’t the slightest bit interested in my foil or my footwear.  Her name was one of those names where someone’s taken an actual name and then switched out the first consonant to make an entirely new and made up sounding name.  She had a little frame hanging on the wall with her hygienist “license” in it, which looked like a photocopy of an e-mail that had been cut out by one of the more motor-skills challenged kids in my six year old’s first grade class.

Man, I’m a little snarky today.  She was a perfectly lovely woman, I’m sure, but every time she would pause to switch out instruments for my teeth-cleaning, she seemed paralyzed with indecision.  Her hand would hover over her tray, dodging from side to side, and then just as it seemed she had finally made up her mind and selected the winning tool, she would drop it in favor of another.  That was not exactly confidence inspiring.  I have never had so many equipment changes in a single cleaning session in all my life.  I suppose it’s possible that my oral environment was in such a state of disarray as to completely stymie all of her previously employed plans of attack, but I don’t really think so.  I mean, come on, I do brush twice daily and floss at least semi-annually.

The rest of my appointment was pretty uneventful.  Even the music was unremarkable.  And now I have six more months to forget to pretend to floss on a regular basis.

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4 Responses to “Her name was Pamela with a T”

  1. Boquinha September 29, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

    You are pure awesome. I just have to say that. GREAT post.

  2. Julie September 29, 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    Those names honestly make me crazy. The new thing in Utah is to take those made up names and then change one or two letters to turn them into something even more bizarre.

    Did I ever tell you that I used to floss twice a day, then I married a dentist, and now I floss twice a month?

  3. Patience September 30, 2011 at 5:25 am #

    OMG, I loved this. I’m such a terrible flosser and I do the exact same thing that you do: try to catch up on it right before a dentist appointment so they won’t know. Why does going to the dentist inspire such guilt but not the doctor? Nobody ever pretends to quit smoking or eat healthy foods for two weeks before a physical.

  4. madhousewife September 30, 2011 at 8:58 am #

    I don’t floss since I got my braces. WAY TOO MUCH TROUBLE. I use a water pick instead–so much easier. I almost do it on a regular basis, even. (I admit, not daily.)

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