Archive | Chuck Norris RSS feed for this section

Wacky Search Term Wednesday—special Chuck Norris birthday edition

11 Mar

This edition of WSTW is dedicated to Mr. Norris in honor of his birthday, which was actually yesterday. OK, maybe I’m a day late, but around our house everyday is like Chuck Norris’ birthday, so you can see how it might have momentarily slipped my mind. (Do you think he’ll buy that? Let’s just keep these belated birthday wishes between us, just in case. Shhhh…)

how many birthdays does Chuck Norris hav(e)—I’m going to go out on a limb here and say AS MANY AS HE WANTS.  I’ve also heard: “Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it’s just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.”

cowbell chuck norris—Are these seriously available?!  I obviously purchased prematurely.  I’m thinking I may need to pimp out my cowbell.

chuck-norris-cowbell

Or maybe they mean this:

chuck-cowbell-flair

chuck lbs—First of all, Chuck does not disclose his weight.  Probably because he intimidates the crap out of scales.  But here are some other Chuck Norris health and exercise related facts:

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he goes up and the world goes down.
After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
Chuck Norris does not lift weights, weights rise before Chuck Norris.

chuck erotica—Dude, I wouldn’t go there if I were you.  Just… No.

ideas on how to celebrate chuck norris b(irthday)—First of all, you’re going to need a kickbutt cake.  Like this one:

chuck-norris-cake

Or maybe this one:

chuck-birthday-cake

(Was this cake really for a 2 year old?)

Then for gifts, might I suggest a classic CN tee:

chuck-tshirt

Paired with an authentic pair of Chuck designed and approved action jeans:

chuck-norris-action-jeans

In case you’re having trouble with the fine print, the description reads, “Developed by Chuck Norris for stunt fighting in movies.  These great looking western style jeans have a unique hidden gusset which allows greater movement without binding or ripping.”  A steal at $19.95—you can pick up a pair for the birthday boy (or girl) and yourself!

Happy Birthday, Mr. Norris!  Stay classy!  And actiony!chuck-norris1

And awesome!

More conversational tidbits

24 Nov

Decorating for Mr. T’s birthday.  (Yeah, this one’s old, but I just found the little scrap of paper I’d written it on.)

BigHugs: You put a person on Mr. T’s birthday paper?

Me:  Yes.  That’s Chuck Norris.  Can you say Chuck Norris?

BigHugs:  Chuck Norris.  I don’t like Chuck Norris.  I like pigs the best.  I don’t like horses or chickens or cows…

Me: Or Chuck Norrises?

BigHugs: No.

To each her own, I guess.

 

Overheard between Goose and DynaGirl.

Goose: You’re the weirdest person in the world.

DynaGirl: I’m not the weirdest person.  I’m exciting.  And funny.  And awesome.

Later that day.

Goose, to me (for some reason I can no longer recall):  You’re the creepiest person in the world.

Me:  I’m not creepy.  I’m exciting.  And funny.  And awesome.

DynaGirl:  Hey, you stole that from me!

Gees—everything’s proprietary material around here!

 

Around the house.

Mr. T, narrating:  I’m opening the fridge.  Now I’m pulling out the juice.  Now I’m pouring the juice.  Now I’m drinking my juice.  Now I’m opening the fridge again.  Now I’m putting away the juice.  Now I’m closing the fridge.  I like narrating everything I do.  It’s fun.

Goose:  Everything you do is extra weird.

Mr. T, ironicallyThat makes me feel warm inside.

Goose is like the freak police around here lately.

 

Overheard between Mr. T and Goose.

Mr. T, shaking his head at something goofy Goose is doing:  You’re just trying to get on mom’s blog.  Fame corrupts people.

Mr. T’s wisdom knows no bounds.

Friday Funnies—all things Chuck

7 Nov

Mr. T has a new writing assignment for English class—a biography.  When I asked who he’s writing about, I can’t say that I was surprised to hear his answer:  Chuck Norris.  I’m not exactly sure what the criteria is for the subject of this writing assignment, but Mr. T feels confident that Chuck fits the bill.

He’s been walking around spouting Chuck “facts”.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

And my personal favorite:

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.  He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

chuck-evolution

Last night Mr. T mentioned he had a mini-draft of his report due, which was basically just a page or two showing the information and facts he’s collected so far.  I said, “You’re not including these as the facts, right?”  He looked at me like I was crazy then proceeded to rattle off all kinds of interesting information about Mr. Norris.

Me:  Wow.  Maybe I should have you do a guest post on my blog.

Chuck (my Chuck):  You’ve never asked me to write a guest post.

Me:  Do you know anything about Chuck Norris?

 

Dropping Mr. T off at school this morning.

Me:  Bye, bud.  Have a good day.

Mr. T:  Because of his roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris has to have a license to carry a concealed weapon to legally wear pants in all 50 states.  Bye, Mom.  Love you.

 

chuck-cowbell

More CN facts

 

Wacky Search Term Wednesday—through the looking glass edition

5 Nov

I feel like I should post something special to commemorate this historic day, but I’ve got nothin’.

Instead, I’m going to do a reverse Wacky Search Terms Wednesday, in which I will reveal some of the searches I personally have made recently.  I haven’t actually looked at my little googler history thingy-ma-bob yet, so this may or may not be the slightest bit amusing.

1.  star wars federation senate—I discovered it’s actually the “Galactic Senate”.

2.  wa election results—Dude, our “Fix it!” guy lost.  I’m kind of bummed.

3.  awhile or a while—I feel like I should know these things, but sometimes I’m just not sure.  And now I’m off to google “sometimes or some times”.  Looks like “sometimes” is OK.  But I’m pretty sure “alright” is not all right.

4.  singstar rocks—DynaGirl got Singstar Amped for her birthday and I’m looking for another version for Christmas to add to her song catalogue.  Dang it, now I’m going to have to google “catalogue or catalog”.  I guess either one will work.  I must have seen “catalogue” somewhere recently because I don’t think I’ve ever spelled it that way before.  I did come across this amusing hit in my search:

Catalog or Catalogue?: Examining a Library Dilemma

The variant spellings catalog and catalogue create problems for librarianship by causing confusion, hindering research, and betraying the standardization the profession values. The predominant spelling in Britain (catalogue) differs from the predominant spelling in the U.S. (catalog), but within the U.S. both spellings are commonly used. Both of these different practices create inconsistencies. Although the spelling catalog has long been prescribed in the U.S., it has not fully caught on. The spelling catalog is far more common on the Web than catalogue. The best solution to this dilemma for librarians may be to not use this outmoded term at all.

Isn’t it cute what librarians fret about?

5.  geniophobia—It’s the fear of chins, in case you were wondering.  I googled it because it showed up on my search terms hits and I couldn’t remember what it meant.  Oh, and it’s real, people.  From the CTRN website (google took me to):

Does the thought of chins make you nauseous? Does it trigger a dry mouth and clammy hands? Does your heart feel like it’s going to pound right out of your chest? Do your legs turn to rubber bands?

We can help you get rid of that trauma. It’s what we’re all about.

6.  Donny and Marie flamingo—I’m going to be in Vegas next year, and when I heard they had extended their show’s run, I thought it might be worth checking out.

7.  define: bare—I had started to type “bare witness” in an e-mail and thought that could not be right unless you’re talking about people testifying in the nude.  Hmmm…maybe that’s not a bad idea.  I suspect it’s harder to lie when you’re naked.  But it’s “bear witness” as I’m sure you all knew already.

8.  how to roast pumpkin seeds—My kids begged me to do it this year after we carved our pumpkins, but none of my recipe books had anything.  FYI, wash them, dry them, season them as desired (I used butter and salt) and then bake at 275 degrees in a single layer on a cookie sheet for 10-30 minutes, stirring frequently until golden brown.  I think I cooked mine for 35 minutes.  They turned out all right.

9.  obnoxious—Some words just always look wrong to me.

10.  best blog readers—That would be you, my friends.

11.  define teat—I have no idea.

12.  overdue in a frantic stew—It’s actually “rabbit stew”, which makes sense coming from the White Rabbit, but I think I like frantic stew better.

13.  deep seated or deep seeded—It’s deep seated, although, I kind of think the imagery of deep seeded makes more sense.

14.  BA Baracus—Did you know the “BA” does not actually stand for Bad Ass?  I was sorely disappointed.

15.  define hump—I was planning to use this word in the Scrabble game I was playing on facebook, but as the game included my Bishop’s wife, I wanted to reassure myself that there were plenty of non-nasty definitions.

16.  potty mouth synonym or name for someone who curses a lot—Google gave me nothing.  What would you call someone with a potty mouth?  Any ideas?

17.  counter, bean counter, counter like at costco door, tracker counter, counter gadget, tally keeper—It took many tries with google to figure out what you call one of those silver things with the little buttons you push to tally up stuff.  And now I can’t even remember which term worked (wait, must have been “tally keeper” since it’s the last one I used), but I do know I can buy one on Amazon for about eight bucks.  At first, I was planning to use it to keep track of how many times I opened my pantry door for a snack, thinking that the reality of that number would deter me from excessive snacking.  But then I thought it could also be used to keep track of how many times I hear certain words from my children, such as “Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom”.  I might ask Santa for one.

18.  how long is meat good in the freezer—I had a roast in my freezer that I had purchased last May and kind of forgot about.  Beef roasts are supposedly good in the freezer for 6-12 months.  That’s kind of a broad range, but I figured since I was still within the 6 month bubble, I was safe.  It was the best roast I have ever made.  Melt in your mouth.

19.  is every two days different than every other day—I found no definitive answer, but I still think not.  What do you think?

20.  chuck norris roundhouse kick—I was looking for some appropriate clipart for the card I was making Mr. T for his birthday.  I found it. 

dscn9981a

I also found this:

dscn9979a 

It’s one of his favorite sleeping shirts.

 

Hmph…I’m not sure I made it to slightest bit amusing.  So, what are you looking for?