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Friday Funnies and other nonsense

19 Sep

Are you rat or pig?


My spam filters still leave something to be desired, but the upside is I occasionally get one of these little gems.

“I never once act doubted encouraging annoyed kept your doing so.” Monte Cristo “And you religion shoed have confused doubtless brought all sent your papers wi

cushion “There space is sign only one thing which shirt grieves me,” observ “What papers?” “Yes.” employ “Ah, my M. Cavalcanti, below I trust fear rail you will not l

“Ah, debt language your promptly excellency, I am letter overwhelmed with deligh “What papers?”

What papers?!

“Happy stormy father, squeaky carelessly swum happy son!” said the count. slimy “The register of the birth sadly buzz stridden of Andrea Cavalcanti—o wind sprung rule “Really, sir, you must allow that this ornithic is most ext

need curtain “Let gaze us try what we can arch do, then,” said the notary “Happy brake father, knit thread upset happy son!” said the count.

Happy stormy father, upset happy son—I’m confused, are they happy or not? And who’s this count?

“I never once act doubted encouraging annoyed kept your doing so.” Monte Cristo “And you religion shoed have confused doubtless brought all sent your papers wi

The count of Monte Cristo? Again with the papers.

And my personal favorite:

The mind major horse pump passed his insect hand across his brow. “Ah, pe “Yes.” “Certainly I do.”

Certainly do what? Now I’m intrigued. I’d like to hear the rest of this story.

Nice try, Cally

30 Jul

I’ve received a lot of these e-mails over the past several months, all variations on a theme: millions of dollars in unclaimed money, help me get it and I’ll give you a cut, I picked you at random because you seem so trustworthy, etc, etc. But this one I received today is by far my favorite:

Dearest,

I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart.

I am Cally David Stevens,accountancy student in the university,my late father David Stevens was farmer in the country and he was shot dead in an incident east of the capital, Harare. Mr father was killed during an incident involving a group of farmers who responded to a radio distress call from a neighbour in the Virginia Macheke district.My late father and another farmer were chased and shot at before taking refuge in a local police station and i was left alone with the tiwns my mother delivered before her death.

The protesters came also to our house and destroyed everything, but i escaped with the twins and the briefcase that my father entrusted to me before his death, i went to my grand mother and stayed for while because of my studies, but life was very hard for me, it came to a point that students went into prostitution to pay for school fees and to feed.
You can read from the news in news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/715001.stm
When i opened the briefcase and found out the documents that my late father have deposited some mount of money which i am the next of kin in a bank in burkina faso, itravelled there to withdraw the money for a better life for me and for my twins brothers, when i get there i found out that my late father instructed the bank that i will withdraw the money when i am married, or with a trustee that will stand on my behalf.

Actually insearch of an honest and reliable person who will help me to withdraw the money and invest it i have chosen to contact you after my prayers and i believe you will not try to cheat me but rather take me as your own people. Though you may wonder why I am so soon giving in to you without seeing you, well I will say that my instsint still tells that you could be true to me. Briefly,I will like to disclose much to you if you will help me to relocate to your country with the substance that i inherited from my parent.The amount of $4.2 Million which i will like to invest in your country into any lucrative business venture which you are to advise and execute seeing that i have no business experience for now.

However, I shall forward you with the necessay documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund.As you will help me in an invsetment, and i will like to complete my studies, as i was in my ist year in the university, when the crisis started.It is my intention to compensate you with 10% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital. This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes.

As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self please i beg you not to disclose it till i come over , once the fund has been transfered.I will send you my picture in my next mail.
With due respect, I am pleading that you help me, i am giving all this detailed information with every transparency beleiving that you will have a clear picture of the base of help i need from you. I hope to hear from you soon,May truth and love be the guiding word in my refuge in you dear helper.

Sincerely yours,
Cally.

Farmers, distress calls, twins orphaned at birth, prostitution—what more could you ask for?