Miracles still happen—This year I somehow managed to completely unpack my suitcase the night we got home from vacation. The very same night. I seriously don’t know what possessed me. I also decided this year that my kids were going to unpack their own bags. It took them a day or two longer. I think for Goose it was more like four days, and I was at one point tempted to just do it myself, but then I thought “Am I my children’s luggage’s keeper?” Besides, it was a good lesson in personal responsibility for her. Or something.
Dandruff Queen—Monday morning I noticed my vacation fun in the sun was paying off in a spectacular display of scalp moltage. Normally, I wash my hair every other day and Monday was supposed to be my morning off, but I thought I couldn’t possibly just walk around all day as The Human Snow Globe so I’d better take a break from my regularly scheduled hair care routine and attend to that. But then I thought heck, I wasn’t even planning to leave the house so what was the point? Really. That pretty much sums up my entire attitude toward summer.
Vacation: the gift that just keeps giving—I also came home with a match set of mosquito bites, one on each shin. My irritation has been slightly offset by the gratitude of also having come home with a pair of heels even an industrial grade Ped Egg would balk at. Seriously, there is no more effective way of scratching your lower shins in the middle of the night than with the cracked and calloused caverns of your lowest extremities. Silver lining, people. Silver lining.
Some things are just worth making yourself pee for—As we were driving through Idaho on our way home, just outside of Boise, Chuck asked if anyone needed to use the restroom. All the kids assured us that they were not presently in need of a rest stop until Chuck said, “It’s the cinnamony bathroom” and then suddenly everyone needed to go. Rest assured, Cinnamony Rest Stop, as long as there is a Bythelbs alive and traveling in the great potato state, you will never be taken for granted.
This too shall pass—The family we stay with in Idaho and Utah have beautiful homes. Beautifully decorated and maintained homes, and I always come home with a renewed enthusiasm and determination, all fired up about finishing up the painting job I started last year (there’s ALWAYS a painting job I started last year) and sprucing up the joint a bit. This lasts for about a week (and then I just go back to being bitter and resenting them for their superior living conditions). OK, wait, we got home Friday night, it’s now Wednesday morning, so I guess it’s more like five days. Actually, I think technically I stopped caring sometime mid-afternoon yesterday, so we’ll say four-four and a half. Still, I have been promised new carpeting when the painting is done. And it would be kind of nice to get that painter’s tape out of the stairwell and hall (the blue doesn’t really go with my decor). Who am I kidding? (That would be in reference to both the idea that I might actually finish the painting and that I actually have a decor.)
The family that mocks together, stays together—
In the car somewhere in Utah.
Me: When we were in Hawaii we noticed that the city we were staying in had a big letter L on the side of their mountain just like the G on the side of the mountain where your uncle lives.
Goose: Cool. What did the L stand for?
Mr. T: Lollipop? Lemon? Linoleum?
DynaGirl: Lumps in mine oatmeal!
Mr. T: Lumps in mine oatmeal?
Me, with accompanying hand gesture: Heil oatmeal!
Mr. T, with a Britishy accent: Theh ah lllomps in mine oat-mail!
Goose: La-la-la mine linoleum!
Mr. T, with another Britishy accent (that I’m now much too lazy to try to phonetically convey): I traversed through the woods back to my dwelling and found that there were lumps in mine oatmeal.
Well, I’m off. To do what, I don’t exactly know. Like I said, mine suitcases are already unpacked, and I’m not really feeling up to finishing mine painting today. Perhaps I’ll wash mine hair. Also, mine mosquito bites seem to be past the itching stage, so I guess I could always egg mine peds. What are yourn big plans for the week?