I’m not really one for professional pedicures. I’m very self-conscious of my own gnarly fissure-filled feet plus I may or may not have toenail issues involving some slight discoloring and/or excessive thickness of the big nails. (Yes, I’ve seen the drug commercials and am fully aware that there may or may not be some fungal issues involved that could be cleared up with a quick trip to the doctor and a painless prescription, but I have not seen a doctor for anything other than the birthing of babies for the past 13 years, and I’m not about to break my streak now, plus what’s nail polish for anyways?) I know pedicurists are paid to handle your nasty feet, but I’ve never wanted to be one of those nasty footed patrons.
I actually did go last summer to get a pedicure with some friends. My friends assured me that they all had nasty feet and it was no big deal and the pedicurists had seen it all, blah, blah, blah. And it actually was a rather enjoyable experience until the lovely gal servicing my feet (why does that sound so wrong?) looked knowingly over to another pedicurist and prattled off something in a language I could not understand, and then she looked at me and chuckled! I was living a Seinfeld episode! (scroll down to “Ruby’s Nail Parlor”)
So naturally, I will do anything to avoid seeking the professional help I probably need. I’m a skeptic at heart, so when I first saw the infomercial for the Ped Egg, I was not overly enthusiastic. (I had been burned—literally—by the Epilady *shudder* once upon a time, and was not anxious for an encore performance. Fool me once…) But then a friend of mine said she had a Ped Egg and liked it, so I thought “What the hay?” I picked one up at Target for their regular price of $9.99, and I’d say it’s arguably the best ten bucks I have ever spent on a foot-related beauty product.
In case you’ve never seen the Ped Egg:
Kind of cute, eh? And it’s ergonomic egg shape feels good in the hand.
I quickly glanced at the instructions:
Use only on clean, dry, and moisture free skin—Check. My feet are most assuredly devoid of moisture.
Hold Ped Egg securely in the palm of your hand, start at the thickest area of dead skin, slide slowly in back and forth motion lengthwise, stop intermittently to check for desired results…yada, yada, yada…
And I was off! When I first got it out, my children were horrified. Mr. T said, “It looks like a cheese grater!” And it does:
They had a hard time believing that it didn’t hurt. But it really doesn’t.
Here’s a before shot of my right heel taken today (brace yourselves, I’m obviously way past the point of trying to hide my plethora of physical imperfections):
I know, I know. Eeeew. Like, ew.
I grated away for about 5 minutes back and forth, of course (think “paint the fence”). Theoretically, the skin you slough off is collected in the little well beneath the “grater”.
But I find it difficult to see what I’m doing and to do a thorough job, while trying to keep the egg in a perfectly upright position so as not to spill out any of the shavings. I recommend doing it over a towel or a trash can or at least not at the dinner table.
After you exfoliate (I suppose that sounds nicer than grate), you buff out the area (think “wax on, wax off”)with the emery pad located conveniently under the Ped Egg casing.
This is an important step in the process, as it smooths out any rough edges left from the grating exfoliating. Like I said, today I “exfoliated” for about 5 minutes then followed up with about 30 seconds or so of buffing. (I was kind of late picking up the kids at piano, so I may have rushed this part just a bit.)
And, voila! The after shot:
Not necessarily perfection, but a significant improvement, I think. I’m not completely callous free, but I’m amazed at how much smoother and softer my heels feel. And the San Andreas Fault lines are nearly gone too! Bonus!
So I’m recommending the Ped Egg to any of you who may suffer from gnarly heel. And because I love you all so much, dear loyal readers, I’m going to give one of you your very own Ped Egg! Free of charge! Just leave a comment, and I’ll draw a name at random. But mums the word this time—don’t be going around telling anybody unless, of course, you want to decrease your chances of winning.
P.S. I enlisted the kiddos’ help to pick out the best before and after shots. After pulling one up on the screen:
Mr. T: So this is after you used the pedophile?
Mr. T: What?
Me: Giggling harder.
Mr. T: You know—the pedophile. The filey ped thing. What else do you call it?
Me, still giggling: You mean, the Ped Egg.
Mr. T: Yeah, so? What’s so funny?
Me, trying to compose myself: A pedophile is a child molester.
Mr. T: Oh crap.
DynaGirl: What’s a child molester?
Me, no longer laughing: A child molester is someone who hurts children—who abuses them, in a not nice way. (As opposed to abusing them in a nice way?)
My apologies to the fine folks at Ped Egg for the unfortunate word association.
And just because…